Knightmare Lexicon - A Knightmare Encyclopædia

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1. tea
Highly popular drink, derived from the plant Camellia sinensis. Tea is available across the world, and even in the Knightmare Dungeon: during the last episode of Series 2, Gretel and Bumptious depart his mining pit for a cup of tea. In Series 8, Lord Fear commanded the Bimboid to "go get me tea."

Tea is traditionally imbibed by many Britons during mid-to-late afternoon with an accompaniment of biscuits or cake, i.e. at teatime; and with Knightmare being a teatime show in its original broadcast slots on CITV, KM's Watchers were no exceptions. In 2008, Forum member Naitch reminisced about how in 1988, 'with only twenty minutes to go, my mum would have brought me a cup of Tea, and probably a sandwich, wait for Series two of Knightmare, then lights off, fire on, volume up and away we go....!' The epigraph of The Eye Shield's Bring Back Knightmare pages quotes Steve McGrath: 'Because there was nothing like sitting down with a cup of tea, four chocolate digestives and watching Knightmare after a hard school week.' (Some Knightmare fans do prefer coffee though.)

Knightmare cast member Jackie Sawiris (Majida) once appeared in a tea commercial for the Middle East, according to The Quest (Volume 3, Issue 1).

Over the years, tea has been a source of humour on the Forum. In 2003, Drassil posted a sketch that made wordplay of Treguard's catchphrase Ooooooh Naaasty!:

Pickle [bringing Treguard a cuppa and a Custard Cream during a quest]: 'A new blend of tea for you, Master: PG Tips.'
Treguard: 'Hmm, it's advertised by chimpanzees; I wonder if that's a reflection on the taste? Let's see if it's the 'cuppa that heals', 'ey, Pickle?
[Sips the tea at the same moment as the Dungeoneer falls to his doom.] Oooooh, nice tea!'

Forum user reactions ranged from 'an instant classic' and 'just made me LOL at work. Love it' to 'off the scale of bad puns' and '91 on the Awfulometer. :)'

In 2007, forum member tubor both posted doctored images that showed Treguard and Smirkenorff endorsing tea from well-known brands:

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Knightmare fanfiction audio sketch The Floor in the Plan (also known as Builder Sketch), released in September 2012, features a builder played by Ross Thompson who, stereotypically, is keen on drinking tea.

The provision and appreciation of tea have been recurring themes in Knightmare Chat, most notably where tea devotee Aranel is concerned. You look like you may need convincing. OK...

Aranel: Like tea?
Wolverine: tea?
Aranel: Do you like tea?

- 19/06/2005

Aranel: Btw, Cocodude - do you like tea?
- 20/03/2005

Aranel: Sodoto, do you like tea?
sodoto: ...tea the meal, yes. tea the drink, no.
Aranel: Okay, we can work on that..

- 19/03/2005

LordF: I am Lord Fear and I'm... off to go have some tea and biscuits
- 26/03/2006

Aranel: on my 21st I think I'm going to hide in my house all day and refuse to come out unless I can have a lollypop
Aranel: Or a cookie
Keith: or a cup of tea?
Aranel: Indeed! Or a cookie with a cup of tea. Now that is something I would walk out of my house for

- 20/01/2007

Drassil: Caei, sink or bidet?
Caei thinks
Caei: Drassil: sink
Caei: Lots and lots of tea.

- 15/10/2006

Aranel: I just had the most ickiest stickinmicrowavethenshovedownthroat meal
Aranel: Ick taste still in mouth
Pooka: Drink tea! It cures things like this
Aranel: Tea :) The cause of and solution to all of life's problems
Pooka: Indeed
Aranel: will brb guys, tea making calls me (I even have the Gromit mug ^.^ His nose goes red when you pour hot liquid in!)
Billy1987-1994: I'd make a nice-tea joke here, but I'd just be plagarising Drassil.
Aranel changed name to AranelTeaMaking
Pooka: OK, I'm infected. \Back in a sec.
Pooka changed name to Pooka|away|makingtea

- 21/10/2005

Chloe goes into Aranel's kitchen out of the insaneness and makes herself a cup of tea
Ark swaps the tea with Chav water
Chloe gets Ark to test the drink first
Ark forces it down Chloe's throat :P
Chloe spits it out
Ark: Now that wasn't very ladylike!
Chloe slams her mouth shut

- 15/05/2005

Keith brings in a trolley of tea and cake
Aranel brings out a rival trolley of tea and cake
Aranel: ;-p
Keith: My trolley of tea and cakes include jaffa cakes, as well as fruit & chocolate cakes, beat that Aranel ;-)
Aranel: I like toast :-D

- 15/06/2008

In 2019, a series of tweets was posted entitled 'Knightmare characters as tea'.

[Earlier versions: 2018-07-14 20:36:54, 2009-09-28 16:09:23]

Provided By: David, 2019-05-02 17:16:48
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