From TES issue 53 (September 2008)

Series 2. Level 2.
BUMPTIOUS THE DWARF
Bumptious was a fully paid-up member of HoGG, the Honorable Guild of Goldminers, and he was proud of it. Although quite tall for a dwarf, Bumptious was typical of his race in that he liked immense amounts of gold, and he seemed to spend practically all of his time mining for it in level two, in the chamber that would later become the entrance to level three, complete with the minecart, although obviously it was stationary in this series. With his gruff northern accent and stick-on beard, Bumptious was played by Tom Karol, who also played Olaf in this series.

I suppose Bumptious was quite well named – he was certainly very officious, and full of his own importance as a member of the Guild. This meant that he had very little time for anyone who appeared on his mining site who was not a member of the Guild, which included, of course, dungeoneers. Only three dungeoneers wandered into the Dwarf’s mine, but they were all subjected to rigorous official proceedings as soon as they arrived. Dungeoneer Chris was lucky enough to be hired as a temporary apprentice, but this arrangement lasted only long enough for him to help Bumptious blow a large exit hole in the wall through which he could leave.

When Neil met Bumptious, he was subjected to an official enquiry, which involved answering three questions about the dwarf race. Although the questions appeared to be fairly simple, the team just about managed to scrape one correct answer. Bumptious was obviously feeling very charitable that day, as he awarded Neil a spell called SHOVEL in spite of his dismal score. And I’m sure I don’t need to remind you what happened next…

Bumptious’s final appearance was in the last episode of series 2, when he suffered a dynamite-related injury at the hands of Karen, who accidentally landed on top of him from level one and pressed down on his plunger! Gretel was on hand this time to assist Bumptious (whose name she revealed for the first time in this episode) with his official enquiry into the causes of the accident, which again involved three questions being asked, this time about explosives! The team scored two, and Bumptious rewarded them with a spell called FLIGHT, which they managed to use successfully (unlike certain other teams) to fly across a broken bridge.

I suppose Bumptious is quite a forgettable character, what with his somewhat infrequent, inconsequential appearances. Undoubtedly his biggest role in any quest was to award Neil the spell he needed to defeat Cedric and descend to level three, although of course this encounter did not go according to plan, as we are all well aware. Still, I quite enjoy Bumptious’s appearances on Knightmare, even though it’s taken me quite some time to get around to writing about them!

Fear Factor: 4 A stickler for the rules, and very crotchety.
Killer Instinct: 2 Get his dander up and he won’t let you pass.
Humour Rating: 1 No sense of humour at all, except when Gretel’s around.
Oscar Standard: 9 Tom Karol is a master of accents; it’s just a shame he’s not a little shorter.

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Username of a member of the Knightmare.com Forum. Bumptious registered in March 2010.

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