[Dedicated to Robin, a.k.a. Mashibinbin.]

Poo. It's not just an amusing word for excrement; it actually has several connections to Knightmare.

According to Treguard, dungeoneers had more than one method of escape from the Monster's Stomach, seen in Series 1-3. "There's only one way out of here. Well, two actually, but we won't go into that." One might speculate that the latter taboo exit would be for the dungeoneer to be digested and expelled in a monster poo (putting the 'loo' into 'lose'). That might imply that those dungeoneers who safely escaped the stomach did so by being vomited out.

However, this would not explain how Tony of Team 5 of Series 2 escaped by going DOWN. Could it be that the spell allowed Tony alone to become a sort of human poo? It was Cedric who once described one dungeoneer (Team 2 of Series 2) as being "more dung than 'ere" and another (Team 4 of Series 2) as excrement.

One series earlier, Team 6 of Series 1 got to hear the monk call Folly a "miserable misbegotten remnant of a recent discarded horse dropping" during the pair's duel of insults.

There are two words for someone who eats poo, because one just isn't enough. (Word I mean, not poo.) If you like Latin, you might go for merdivore; if you prefer Greek, coprophage. Knightmare had at least one merdivorous character in the form of Fatilla, who told Team 2 of Series 4, arguably with a note of disappointment, that aniseed did not taste like sheep droppings. Rothberry, whose interest in poo was of a more professional kind, discussed bat droppings with Naila of Team 2 of Series 7.

Both Pickle and Majida spoke of poo. Having said that, they have been using the less scatological rendering, pooh. Toilet humour has been noted elsewhere in Knightmare, perhaps fancifully but with no harm done (See: brownie).

In KM's final series, fans of poo were s(p)oiled rotten. Pigeon droppings were one of the clue objects taken by Team 1 of Series 8, and dungeoneer Richard proceeded to fling them where they are often seen: on a statue. This statue was Motley, who was promptly liberated from a year-long freeze [ITV Children's Classics YouTube clip]. Such is the magic of poo. Motley did not seem troubled by having faecal matter on him, perhaps because he had a history of stealing items that smelt of it (See: Grow-Me-Quick).

A promo for Challenge TV's First Ever Episodes season in 2013 featured a (presumably) fictionalised depiction of the moments preceding Knightmare's first episode in 1987, with Hugo Myatt, as Treguard, referring to an imminent trip to "the chamber of relief" and indicating the gentlemen's lavatories. Speculation on whether he intended to partake of a 'Level 1' or a 'Level 2' would add nothing at this point.

Just as remembering Knightmare helps adults not to lose sight of their childhood, so does remembering the entertainment value of poo. It is sure to remain a pleasure to numerous fans to combine the two.

[Earlier version: 2011-02-04 17:50:11]

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