William Shakespeare once wrote that 'some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.' He could have been talking about men called Giles, and the greatness of being associated with Knightmare props, but he wasn't. However, I will be, so strap yourself in (if you like that sort of thing) and prepare for a Lexicon entry that could just change your life.
There is a select subcategory of dungeoneers who never won their quests yet never perished on them either, and foremost among these dungeoneers is Giles Milner. He was part of the eighth and final team of Series 4 (a.k.a. Team 8 of Series 4), questing for the Cup.

A lot of what we know about Giles' Knightmare experience comes from the man himself, who joined the Knightmare Discussion Forum in December 2005 (username: Giles) and shared several anecdotes via a thread he'd titled 'Dishing the dirt'. 'It was alot of fun. lots of things happened that you never get to hear about.'

For example, Giles revealed that they 'started filming the day after my birthday. there was a bit of confusion though and they bought out a birthday cake for my brother [Brett, one of the advisors] instead. we were too embarrased to say anything. can't imagine how that happened!'

In many ways, Giles' adventures, which for him took place across four days of filming, were as formulaic as those of his series predecessors (e.g. he became bearer of the eyeshield early in Level 1), yet they also comprised a range of distinctions. He was the last dungeoneer ever to encounter Mellisandre, Fatilla (Giles may even have killed the hun), Gundrada and Mogdred. Merlin (whose name, like nilrem, is an anagram of Giles' surname) and Mistress Goody were encountered three times each by Giles, when normally they appeared in a Series 4 quest once or not at all.

He also had encounters with Dooris, Doorkis, Oakley, Motley (Giles writes that he 'was really nice. we spent a long time refilming the scene with [Ariadne] and he was making me laugh the whole time'), the Boatman, and a fantastic scene with Brother Mace.
The team memorably triumphed over the Block and Tackle ('the reason we made the block and tackle', explained Giles, 'was that Brett spent alot of time "training" me on taking directions before we went on') and the Corridor of Blades (about which Tim Child said the following on the Knightmare Discussion Forum in September 2003: 'Use of sudden death obstacles like the Corridor of Blades involved everyone on standby for a live decision. I would have to give an immediate verdict on whether 'death damage' had occured [sic]. It wasn't always easy, and in the case of Giles' team the decision was so borderline we gave the benefit of doubt'), and advancing well into Level 3.

But just after reaching the transporter pad puzzle, the imminent end of the season curtailed the quest, and Giles was pulled out of the Dungeon. This disappointment was followed by a scene much maligned by Knightmare fans, where Merlin heralded the approach of something important that was then used it as a pretext for the team's dismissal. What was the occasion? Christmas. Giles has made his feelings clear on this matter: 'We hated that, it was really childish and made us feel really uncomfortable. It was filmed in mid august too.'

In 2011, Giles unfolded another behind-the-scenes tale via a YouTube comment: 'As the dungeoneer ... (or prat in the hat as I've always thought of it) I can say we loved being on the series and really enjoyed it. Though at twelve it's a bit overwhelming. After the blade room I was presented with a green sleeve for my left arm as they reasoned it had been cut off but when the producers asked for permission for me to wear it they were told amputating limbs of contestants weren't really CITV's kind of thing, that disappointed me more than not winning.'
We are also aware, thanks to Giles' forum posts and knightmare.com guestbook entry, that his team was never shown walking away after dismissal like other Series 4 teams were, and that he broke the Helmet of Justice. However, details of these antics have yet to be shared in detail. Nevertheless, fans can be secure the knowledge that Giles Milner is pleased at his enduring renown: 'It's amazing that people are still watching and enjoying the show ... It's nice to know we were apart of something that people enjoy.'

More recently, Giles has been involved in amateur filmmaking with former KM teammate Robin.

Clips of Giles' quest made available on the CITV Old Skool YouTube channel in 2014 include:

Start of second episode
Finding Merlin in the stocks
Visit to the Crazed Heifer
Using the DASH spell
Meeting Mellisandre
Encounter with Mistress Goody at the moving walkway
Stopping the moving walkway
Start of Level 2
Pickle introducing Dunkley Wood
Ariadne's Lair
Start of Level 3
Corridor of Blades experience (with the floating skulls rendered invisible by a technical glitch)
Christmas scene


In 2004, the wider Knightmare community became aware of another Giles entirely. This Giles (known more fully as James Giles) was a phenomenal comedic talent whose insight into the aging of a certain rock musician apparently brought Tim Child and Mark Knight superlative amusement, and led to Giles being made the winner of IKM's 'Be Very Afraid' Caption Competition. See the entry on Keith Richards for further information. But whilst Giles' wit is perhaps debatable, his generosity is genuine, as his prize (the eyeshield adapted to serve as the Shield of Justice in Team 7 of Series 7's quest) became a surprise gift for his friend 'Aldude'. What was the occasion? Christmas. The picture below shows the pair (Giles is on the right of the photo) with the shield.


By the way, it's said that the name Giles originates from Greek, and means shield-bearer. As the cliché goes, you couldn't make it up.


Readers of The Sorcerer's Isle gamebook may come across the name Giles. If the player asks about lodgings in the village, a yokel mentions Giles' barn, though he adds that it's likely to be full, since that day is market day.


On Knightmare Roleplay, a zombie named Giles appeared as a minor character who accompanied Madmogsue on some of her adventures.

[Earlier version: 2006-08-12 20:31:26]

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