Knightmare Lexicon - A Knightmare Encyclopædia

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1. Team 7 of Series 7
From TES issue 30 (November 2004)

Series 7.
Quest: The Shield.
 [Related Image] Dungeoneer: [Barry Thorne].
Advisors: Simon, Derek and Daniel.
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Home town: Somewhere in Worcestershire.
Team score: 10 out of 10.
 [Related Image] Level One: The quest begins in the dwarf tunnels, where Barry meets Brother Strange. He offers a spyglass in exchange for a proverb, but rejects the three proverbs Barry thinks of for him, at last settling on one thought up by Derek. Through the spyglass, the team see Lord Fear showing off his new shell-phone to Lissard, and then Lissard telling Lord Fear how he has managed to incapacitate Grimaldine by breaking his magic staff into four pieces and scattering them throughout level one. Lord Fear is angry because he thinks that Barry will now be able to collect the staff pieces, making the team's mission clear. Barry next meets Romahna outside a castle. She is shooting some goblins, and also guarding a piece of the magic staff. After some pointless Barry-banter, Romahna allows him to take the staff piece and leave. Next there is a supply chamber, where Barry picks up a lantern and a bottle labelled Speedwell. A meeting with Rothberry follows. There is a piece of staff leaning against his stall, which Barry ends up taking free of charge, although he very nearly gives away the Speedwell. This is used in a room where Sylvester Hands and two goblins appear. When Barry drinks the Speedwell, Sylvester and the goblins are slowed down, meaning that Barry is able to sneak past them. In the sliding floor chamber, Barry has to backtrack at one point to pick up the third staff piece, but he makes it through despite the pursuing goblins. In a room that is in total darkness, Barry has to turn on the lamp and search around for the fourth and final staff piece. They nearly make an exit too early: "You've hardly looked at the room, there may be something there!" - Treguard. At last Barry picks up the top of the staff, and is able to progress to the final chamber of the level, where Grimaldine is asleep on a chair. The repaired staff appears beside him and he wakes up. Grimaldine is grateful to Barry, and gives him a firestone to pay for a ride to level two. Through the large metal door, Barry is able to offer the firestone to Smirkenorff and secure passage to the next level. The now familiar flight to the Rift of Angar takes place, and Barry lands in level two.
 [Related Image] Level Two: A spyglass reveals Lissard sharing a juicy bit of gossip with Lord Fear - that Hordriss is smitten with Marta. Lissard has a plan about recruiting Marta to help them take advantage of Hordriss, but Lord Fear changes Lissard into a Marta look-alike instead! In the dwarf tunnels, Barry picks up an old boot and a fireproof potion. He then arrives at Hordriss's magic school, where Sidriss is trying to hold the fort in her father's absence. Fidjit is there too, and Barry explains to them about Lord Fear's plan to deceive Hordriss. Sidriss and Fidjit decide that a REVEAL spell is needed in order to bring Lissard back to his true form, and that the only person on the level with access to such a spell is Greystagg. Barry volunteers to take the case to the witch queen, so Fidjit unlocks the door to the [Firebomb Room], where there is witch amber. Barry takes the fireproof potion so that the fireballs cannot harm him, and so he is able easily to pick up the witch amber and progress across the room. Raptor and his goblins then turn up to menace Barry, but he manages to squash them all by means of the magic boot. Barry then meets Greystagg and manages to persuade her to part with a REVEAL spell in return for the witch amber. A meeting with Brollachan follows, and the team manage to satisfy his thirst for knowledge with some decidedly iffy answers. In a tavern, Hordriss is flirting with a person he thinks is Marta, although we know it's really Lissard. The REVEAL spell transforms Lissard back into his true form and the amphibian beats a hasty retreat. Hordriss is appalled to have been tricked in this manner, and is concerned that nobody should ever get to hear about the incident. In return for Barry's silence, Hordriss takes Barry into a further chamber and reveals a staircase that leads to level three. Barry walks down the stairs, and level two is complete.
 [Related Image] Level Three: Barry has to pass through a flashing anti-magic barrier, which Lord Fear has set up to keep out rival sorcerers. He then picks up two magic potions in one of the corridors of Goth - freezer and fast backwards. In the Sewers of Goth, a spyglass reveals Lord Fear introducing Lissard to Bulstrode, the king of the trolls. Fear explains that he plans to set Bulstrode loose in Knightmare Castle, and Barry and friends realise that their task is to stop this. Greystagg appears and rows Barry through the sewers. As they are both working against Lord Fear, she tells Barry that she will help him in his quest if he needs her, and reveals her calling name - Gwen. She also gives Barry a VISOR spell, which is used during Play Your Cards Right so that Barry can see what he is doing. The team complete this challenge with relative ease. Next Barry meets Brollachan again. Through his questioning, Brollachan reveals that Lord Fear has tasked him with eating his way up through the levels to Knightmare Castle so that Bulstrode can follow. Once Barry has answered some more of Brollachan's questions, he progresses to a chamber that contains one of Lord Fear's shell-phones. Through this device, Barry hears Lord Fear and Lissard discussing the progress of Brollachan and Bulstrode towards Knightmare Castle. Also in this room, Barry has to stand under some dripping water to restore his life force. He leaves the room through a door marked Short Cut, which leads into the Corridor of Blades. Despite a couple of very near misses, Barry survives this challenge until the conveyer belt grinds to a halt. Brother Strange then arrives, and tells Barry that his best bet to defeat a troll is with a device called a troll hammer. Barry next meets Sylvester Hands once again, who is holding Romahna prisoner in [a pillory]. Barry manages to persuade Sylvester to drink the freezer potion, and then he frees Romahna. They go to the quest chamber together, where Romahna uses her crossbow to get rid of two goblin guards. There are two items in the chamber – the Shield of Justice and a troll hammer. They are both protected by forcefields. Barry summons Greystagg, who tells him that she only has the power to disperse one of the fields. The team are faced with a choice, but it is not a hard one. Barry tells Greystagg to release the hammer, which she does. Once he has the hammer, Barry drinks the fast backwards potion, which takes him back in time through his entire quest, until he walks backwards in the Great Hall of Knightmare. Treguard ushers him to safety just before Bulstrode crashes through the floor in a most dramatic fashion. Treguard uses the troll hammer to send Bulstrode crashing back down the tunnel to Goth, where he lands on top of Lord Fear, Lissard, Raptor and Sylvester Hands. Although they did not choose the Shield in the final chamber, Barry and friends have still won the game, because the eye shield has been mysteriously supplanted by the Shield of Justice! Treguard summons Hordriss to provide the trophies, and the series ends with a thrilling and well-deserved victory.
 [Related Image] Summary: It was a very high-quality and entertaining quest, thanks chiefly to Barry's own unique style of dungeoneering. It was a well-deserved win, and a satisfying end to the series.

[Previous team: Team 6 of Series 7
Next team: Team 1 of Series 8]

Provided By: Eyeshield, 2007-01-22 14:39:17
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2. Team 7 of Series 7
[Partial quest transcript. Previously titled Series 7, Team 7 Script (Parts One and Two)]

Majida: Enter, stranger!

Barry appears.

Majida: Oh boy! Um, Treguard, are you sure about thees one?

Barry looks down at himself in response to this!

Majida: Maybe we throw him back and get another girl.

Treguard: That, with respect is not the attitude. In any case, appearances can be deceptive – what about that bottle I let you out of, that was harmless enough! (Laughs apologetically) Sorry. Stranger, why don’t you tell us your name and then perhaps we can progress?

Barry: Barry Thorne.

Treguard: You have three friends? I hope so.

Barry: Yes…uh, Simon, Derek, Daniel.

The team appear on their seats.

Treguard: Ah yes, and these friends, they have names?

Simon: Simon Ellis.

Derek: Derek Thorne.

Daniel: Daniel Skinner.

Treguard: I see, and where do you come from?

Derek: Worcestershire.

Majida: So many introductions! We are on a winning streak. I say we get in there, we beat Lord Fear and that’s it! You want this knapsack thing or what, huh?

Treguard: Thank you. Well of course Barry wants the knapsack. This is for food by the way. Eyeshield, to see the pathway. And eh, the helmet – which sadly lets you see very little.

Barry nods his head in acknowledgement as Treguard puts the helmet on.

Treguard: It’s just as well really, as none of it’s real. Now, I must tell you that your quest is for the shield and as it’s begun, I suggest you had better join it. (Closes visor) There.

Leads Barry over to stand in front of the threshold.

Treguard: Away you go! And good luck.

Majida: You’ll need it!

Barry walks into a dwarf tunnel, a brownish coloured one. When he comes to the first junction, he immediately turns to face it (it’s on the left) and turns back again, then continues down the corridor.

Treguard: You’d better tell him where he is.

Barry: Daniel, can you hear me?

Daniel: Yes, I can hear you.

Barry: I’m walking through some tunnels, I’ve come to a corner, I’m turning left.

Daniel: Ok.

Brother Strange arrives from round the next bend and taps his staff on the floor, surprising Barry who starts to back off!

Brother Strange: Greetings, traveller.

Barry: Greetings, um…

Brother Strange: Peace be with you, I mean you no harm. (sounds like he laughs a bit here)

Barry: Oh good, I’m glad to hear that.

Daniel: Some sort of monk.

Brother Strange: What brings you to travel in dungeon dimensions? (he is holding a spyglass)

Barry: Well, I’m on the quest for the shield actually.

Brother Strange: The shield!

Barry: Yes, I was wondering if you could…

Brother Strange: The quest of the wise. Your name?

Barry: My name is Barry.

Brother Strange: Barry. I…am Brother Strange. I am by way of being a proverbial wandering friar – proverbial, as I collect proverbs. Give one to me for my collection and in return I will gift to you a spyglass. Do you care for this bargain?

Barry: Ah – I do indeed, thank you very much. Ah…too many cooks spoil the broth.

Brother Strange: Got that one.

The team laugh.

Barry: Oh dear…erm…

Simon: Many hands make light work?

Barry (not appearing to hear him): A stitch in time saves nine.

Brother Strange: Not that old chestnut again.

Barry: Oh dear. Eh…many hands make light work.

Brother Strange: Nope!

Barry: Daniel, Simon, Derek, could you help me on this one?

Derek: Er…don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched?

Barry: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.

Brother Strange: (in hushed tones) That’s a good one! Don’t count your…

Barry: Chickens before they’re hatched.

Brother Strange: (repeating proverb, quietly) Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. My, a wonderful proverb! (hands spyglass over to Barry) Here then, is the spying apparatus – use it with great care!

Barry: Ok.

Brother Strange: Wait until I am safely out of the area.

Barry: I will.

Brother Strange: Fair chance to you. Peace be with you traveller.

Barry: Peace be with you as well. Alright, Daniel, Derek, Simon, I’ve got a spyglass, I’m waiting ‘til my friend has gone – I think he’s gone and now I’m putting it in front of the eyeshield.

Daniel: Ok.

Barry: Ok? Here we go.

Lissard approches Lord Fear at the Pool of Veracity.

Lissard: Ah, more troubles with the Pool of Veracity, lordness? More malfunctionsss?

Lord Fear: What? Oh no, that’s ?? No no, I’ve got one of these now. (holds up a large shell). Have you seen one of these? Oh yes, they’re marvellous, all the business you know, completely marvelllous. Completely portable, take it with me anywhere.

Lissared: What is it, lordness?

Lord Fear: Oh don’t be stupid! It’s a shellphone. See I’ve got this (can’t make out a few words here) I can talk to anyone. I’m thinking of calling it my Shell-net. Yes, it’s changed my life, you know. Anyway, what do you want of me, old newt?

Lissard: Great news lordness, great news! We have broken the power of the Celtic wizard, the greenness who is proving so troubleness!

Lord Fear: Really? That must’ve taken some doing, how’d you do it?

Lissard: One hesitates to boast, but ‘twas the merest easiness! Holding him in a simple freeze spell, we took his staff and broke it into fourness, and scattered the parts across the first level!

Lord Fear is laughing at what Lissard has told him, but as he hears the last bit he becomes angry.

Lord Fear: WHAT? You mean you left his staff lieing all over the place? You IMBECILE! Grimaldine might not be able to pick up the pieces, but some thieving little dungeoneer might! You… (puts shellphone to right ear and speaks into it) Hands? Hands? Come in Sylvester…ah. Oh damn. He can’t hear me.

Lissard: Why not, lordness?

Lord Fear: Well, he hasn’t got one of these, has he? (as he says this, his collar makes a click and falls back a bit!) You… (spy alarm goes off) Oh but somebody else might be picking us up…

Barry: Daniel, Simon, I’m putting it down now.

Derek: Yeah, nice idea Barry.

Barry: I’m walking away. I’m just putting it down on the ground. I’m walking down the passage, I’m coming to a doorway.

Derek: Yeah, keep going.

Barry: I’m entering the doorway.


A goblin horn is sounding from the fort, Romahna is nearby, shooting arrows at the goblins in the fort.

Barry: Where am I?

Simon: Right, we’ve got a view of a castle, the outside of a castle. There’s two towers, in front of us is ah, a lady I think, firing crossbows at a group of goblins who are coming out of the castle and going back in every time.

Barry: Oh right.

Derek: You can talk to her if you like Barry.

Barry: Hello?

Daniel: Um, walk forward.

Romahna: Stay right where you are! Another goblin eh? Well the others couldn’t take it so I don’t suppose you can either.

Barry: Ah, I’m not a goblin actually, I’m a…

Romahna: Shut up! Silence or I shall put a bolt right into you! One of Lord Fear’s rangers then? Just as bad and just as deadly, I’ll shoot you anyway!

Barry: Um, actually I’m a friend and I’d love to help.

Romahna: Friend? What sort of friend could you possibly be?

Barry: Well, goblins are my worst enemy you know?

Romahna: What are you and what are you doing here?

Barry: Ah, I’m on the quest for the shield.

Romahna: Quest for the shield?

Barry: Um, I’d like some help if possible. I’m also uh, you seen any of Merlin’s staff would be a nice thing as well.

Romahna: I don’t know Merlin and I don’t know his staff.

Barry: Well do you know anything of how I could possibly get to Level 2?

Derek: Barry, could you please ask her about this green thing on the floor to her right.

Barry: You have something green on the floor to your right, perhaps.

Romahna: Oh yes, the green stick. Well I know it’s magical but I don’t know what use it could possibly be to you.

Barry: Well, I mean erm…I should find it very useful if I could possibly have it, obviously I’m…

Romahna: What do you want it for?

Derek: Get rid of the goblins, Barry.

Barry: Um, I know a friend who might want it. Uh, the goblins are they uh, troubling you at all?

Romahna: Oh, you’re wasting my time. Take the green stick it’s of no use to me.

Barry: Right, thank you very much indeed.

Daniel: Ok Barry, walk forward. Should be on the ground in front of you.

As soon as Barry walks over it, it disappears in a green flash.

Barry: Ah, I can’t see it.

Daniel: Right, you’ve got it now.

Simon: You’ve picked it up.

Barry: Oh good.

Romahna: Well look, I’d hurry out of here, these areas are infested with goblins. That way’s the safe way and I’ll cover for you. Get a move on!

Daniel: Walk forward Barry.

Barry: Yes, which way shall I go.

View from Eyeshield shows a path over sanddunes to a portal

Daniel: Right, we’re looking through the Eyeshield now. There’s a door in front of you. Keep walking.

Barry: Oh good. Is it a nice place?

Daniel: Yes lovely, it’s a beach.

Derek: It’s sunny.

Majida: This is very strange. He has staff piece, but at same time he does not have staff piece!

Treguard: Oh, I think Barry’s got it alright. It’s one of the strange things about magic staffs – you can have them without holding them, so to speak.


Barry: Hello?

Daniel: Right, walk forward. Stop now.

Simon: Right, you’re standing in an antechamber, you’re underground anyway. To your right is a barrel with various objects. Ahead of you is um, an opening to the sky, it’s like cut into the wall. Uh, there’s not that much else.

Daniel: Ok, now walk forward Barry.

Barry: I can see the barrel.

Daniel: Ok well go over to the barrel and tell us what’s on it.

Barry: Right, on the barrel we have a nice helmet, a lettuce which I’ll put in my knapsack.

Daniel: Ok do that, that’s fine.

Barry: There is a scroll, a bottle saying “Speedwell”, a sort of lamp in a wicker thing and a knife. Will I read the scroll first.

Derek: Yeah, can you read the scroll please Barry.

Barry: Right, as far as I can see: “Go quickly upon dark paths. Seek weapons and protection”.

Daniel: Ok.

Barry: Go quickly upon dark paths. Now…

Derek: Ok, um, can you just retell us what’s on there.

Barry: Right – helmet, lamp, weapon – that’s a dagger - and the bottle of speedwell.

Troll footsteps are heard in the distance.

Simon: Take the speedwell.

Daniel: Take the bottle and the lamp.

Derek: Speedwell and the lamp.

Daniel: Sidestep to your left. Walk forward. Right, sidestep to your right. Keep going. Right, sidestep, walk forward.


Daniel: Walk forward, stop.

Barry: Where am I?

Simon: Right, you’re standing in a castle courtyard, there are crenellated walls all around you, probably a keep to your right. In front of you is a, um, wagon I think with two men bargaining I think. There’s another piece of the staff beside it.

Daniel: Ok Barry, walk forward then. Keep going.

Rothberry says something to Barry about there being a queue, just as the other man walks away.

Rothberry: What’s your name lovey?

Barry: Ah, I’m Barry, I’m a dungeoneer.

Rothberry: How do you do? Don’t put it there, don’t put it there, because it’ll get mixed up with my lot.

Barry says something to Rothberry that makes him say “You’re welcome”

Derek: Barry, can you see what’s on the table in front of you please.

Barry: Um, there are a lot of things on the table like bars of soap and little bottles and things and I can see a small wooden cabinet.

Rothberry nods as Barry describes his stall!

Derek: Barry, can you please tell him we’re interested to the stick to his left.

Barry: Um, I’d be interested in the stick to your left.

Rothberry: Would you really, lovey?

Derek: Can you barter with him in any way Barry?

Barry: What sort of thing would you be interested in?

Rothberry: What have you got again?

Barry: Well I’ve got this…I’ve got a bottle and I’ve got a lamp.

Rothberry: A bottle? Let’s take a look at the bottle then.

Barry: Derek, what can I offer him? Oh the bottle is Speedwell.

Rothberry: Speedwell?

Barry: Speedwell, yes.

Rothberry: Oh good heavens above! Could I just have a little look? Promise you I won’t handle it.

Barry: Well I’d rather hold onto it if it’s all the same to you.

Rothberry: Oh right, fair enough. If you don’t want me to have a look then…

Team decide it’s ok to show Rothberry the potion – Barry hands it over for him to look at.

Rothberry: Yes, very nice…Speedwell.

Barry: It is, isn’t it.

Rothberry: Well uh, you…you’re seriously talking about swapping me a bit of speedwell for the stick?

Barry: Well in all honesty I’d prefer to swap the lamp.

Rothberry: No, I don’t want the lamp.

Barry: You don’t want the lamp.

Rothberry: Sorry about that. Look, if you want the stick, why don’t you take the stick then.

Barry: Alright. (Reaches out for the staff piece) Is it this way?

Derek: Yeah, you’ve got it Barry.

Rothberry: You’ve got the stick.

Goblin horn sounds.

Daniel: Right ok Barry, sidestep to your left. Sidestep to your left, ok walk forward.

Rothberry quickly hands the potion back to Barry as he walks away, saying it’ll be useful against the goblins, then pushes his stall away.

Daniel: You’re looking through the Eyeshield. You’re walking forwards to some sort of gate.


Daniel: Keep going, stop.

Simon: You’re standing in a room – dungeon style room – there’s a door on the other end of the room. The floor in front of you is divided into four walkways, in between each walkway are two blocks just moving from left to right alternatively.

Daniel: Right ok, walk forward slowly. Ok go – very small steps! (goblin horn sounds) Quick, quick, quick, quick, stop…stop! (goblins appear) Right Barry, stop! Right, sidestep to your right a bit. Right walk forward in those little steps again! (goblins start following Barry over the walkways) Stop! Walk forward again, again, again, again, again!

As soon as Barry reaches the other side, Simon notices a staff piece on the right hand wall in the middle of the chamber…

Daniel: Sidestep to your right, quickly! Right ok…right, spin round, um, 180 degrees. (goblins are on the other side of the gap, facing Barry!) Right, when I say, do those small steps again.

Barry: Forward?

Daniel: Yes. Right, go until I say stop…keep going, keep going, keep going! Stop! Right, reach up to your left. Reach up to your left…higher, higher…higher! Right, back!

Simon: Step back.

Daniel: Walk backwards, walk backwards. 180 degrees. Forward, forward, forward, stop! Right, when I say, walk forwards in those steps again. Now, go! Keep going to the wall. Right ok, sidestep to your left.

Derek: Quickly!

Daniel: Quickly, quickly…right, forward!


Daniel: Ok, Barry?

Barry: Yeah?

Simon: You’re standing in complete matter darkness, the only thing we can see is you and your lantern.

Barry: Shall I try and turn the lantern on?

Derek: It might be an idea.

Daniel: Yeah that’s a good idea.

Barry turns the [glow-light] on, so we can see a small area of the room he’s in.

Barry: How’s that?

Derek: Right, we can see something now.

Simon: In front of us, um, it looks like we’re inside, I don’t know, a wooden hut or something – imagine that?

Barry: Yeah.

Simon: Uh, I can’t identify anything but... Put your lantern up a bit higher. There…there’s a bookcase ahead of you, possibly a chair to your right.

Daniel: OK Barry, walk forwards slowly.

Majida: I think there is magic here but I can’t see it.

Daniel: Sidestep to your left then. Ah right, keep going, keep going, that’s good. Keep going. Ok. (Barry collides with the left studio wall!) Oh! Can you walk forward?

Treguard: You’ve hardly looked at the room, there may be something.

Daniel: Right, walk to the middle, walk backwards. That’s it, keep going forward.

Derek: We need to find that stick.

Daniel: Keep going, keep going. Walk forward.

Barry: Maybe if I searched somewhere.

Daniel: Pardon?

Barry: Maybe if I searched somewhere.

Daniel: Yes, search around.

Barry: Can you see a green stick on the wall, or anywhere?

Daniel: No, nowhere.

Simon: Can’t see anything like that.

Derek: Oh, wait…wait. Yep…

Daniel: What’s that on the floor?

Simon: What’s that on the floor?

Derek: Yes, we see it, we see it.

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your left. Keep going, and walk forward.

Derek: Walk forward.

Barry walks over the last piece of the staff.

Treguard: Aaah.

Derek: Right, I think it’s the top of the staff.

Troll footsteps are heard coming nearer.

Daniel: Ok, right.

Derek: Ok we need to get out of here now.

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your right. Walk forward.

The complete staff appears at the top of the screen.

Simon: We’ve got the staff. (Eyeshield) We’re in a sort of loft and we’re heading towards another one of those dark doors. It’s all wooden again.


Daniel: Stop.

Simon: Right, you’re standing, well it looks like a ruin, either a very well ruined castle. You’re still inside, there are various doors and windows around you, possibly a fireplace to your left. In front of you is something on the floor, I’m not sure what.

Barry: Loaf of bread.

Daniel: Put it in your knapsack.

Sylvester Hands and a couple of goblins run in as Barry puts the bread in the knapsack.

Sly: Oh, it’s a dungeoneer! Quick…Rhark, Grippa! Now listen, be very quiet, quiet…and listen! We don’t want you running away or trying to escape as my friends Rhark and Grippa – they’re goblins – they get very, very angry. Now, the thing about goblins you see is that they’re carnivorous…carnivores, yes!

Barry: (at same time as Sly is talking) I’ve got to drink the speedwell, team.

Derek: Yes, do that.

Barry: (drinks potion) Taking the potion.

Derek: Right, I suggest you…

Barry: Where should I go?

Potion takes effect, slowing Sly Hands and the goblins down to a very slow pace.

Daniel: Ok Barry, walk forwards. Stop. Right, turn to your left…rotate a bit, right walk forward now. Keep going. Right stop…sidestep to your right. Forward.


Daniel: Ok stop.

Simon: Right, you’re standing in a room, uh, to your right is a man in a chair asleep probably, in green robes. Uh, the staff has just twisted down and landed beside him.

Majida: It moved and went to the one who owns it!

Treguard: Yes, and not before time I suspect.

Simon: The man is stirring now.

Derek: He’s waking up.

Grimaldine: Oh cleaves, I am whole again! And my staff, it too is made whole. But how?

Barry: Greetings, sir.

Grimaldine: Is it you?

Barry: I have brought your staff back to you.

Daniel: Move forward Barry.

Grimaldine: Ah, what is your name? Come forward.

Barry: My name is Barry, I’m a dungeoneer (offers handshake!)

Grimaldine: (shaking hands with Barry) Barry. Come forward. That’s it, that’s it. Ah, and how can I…how can I aid you, what is your quest?

Barry: I’m on the quest for the shield.

Grimaldine: Ah, the shield. And how can I be of help?

Barry: Well, I’m looking for a way to Level 2 please.

Grimaldine: Ah, to Level 2. Here. Here is a firestone for dragon fare. And here is a portal which my powers may now open. (the large door slides up) This is the dragon, Smirkenorff. Not a bad travelling companion, as dragons go, heh-heh – but my path lies in a different direction so farewell.

Daniel: Ok, Barry. Right, sidestep to your left. And again. Right, walk forward.

Simon: You’re now passing through the very large door onto the back of Smirkenorff.


Daniel: Ok, you’re on Smirkenorff’s back. Um, can you see a seat in front of you?

Smirky: What do you want?

Barry: Uh, er, possibly I would like to travel to Level 2 please.

Smirky: Oh, would you now? Do you have anything for the fare?

Derek: We’ve got the firestone, Barry.

Barry: I would be prepared to offer a firestone.

Smirky: Oh, most acceptable. Very well, come forward and please mind my spine.

Barry: I’ll be very careful.

Smirky: Good.

Daniel: Small sidestep to your right, Barry. Ok, right go forward then, into the chair.

Treguard: Climb over it.

Daniel: Climb over it.

Barry gets into the seat.

Barry: Where should I put the, um, firestone?

Smirky: Just leave it in the saddle if you would. (starts flapping wings) Hold tight, and here we go. (takes off into the air, flying over the sea)

Daniel: Right, you’re off.

Barry: Oh good. This is first class travel, you know.

Smirky: I’m glad you like it. (flies into the Rift of Angar) I suppose you’re curious about Level 2?

Barry: I’m very curious, anything you could tell me would be most welcome.

Smirky: Ah yes, your curiosity will be satisfied before long. Now, the Rift of Angar which is the threshold to Level 2 lies within these mountains. If I can find it that is, in these rather murky conditions.

Simon: You’re heading down a valley.

Barry: I have every trust in your judgement, Smirkenorff.

Smirky: Oh, how kind.

The team are in stitches at this conversation! Smirkenorff finds the place to land.

Smirky: Do hold tight now, young man.

Barry: Oh, right I will. It’s a wonderful ride this, you know.

Smirky: Thank you. Well, I’ve got you here safely, and eh, Barry?

Barry: Yes?

Smirky: I’m so sorry about the troll…

Barry: Oh.

Daniel: Ok Barry, get out the seat now.

Treguard: Climb over the back.

Daniel: Yeah, climb over the back of it. OK, walk forwards about there, off his tail.

Smirky: Mind the spine…!

Barry: I’ll be very careful.

Smirky: Thank you.

Daniel: Ok, keep going.


Daniel: Ok Barry, walk forward. Right stop.

Simon: Right, ahead of you is a mountain with a cave, uh, to your right is a very large person wielding a very large axe and he’s sitting on a rock, he hasn’t noticed you yet as far as I can see. To your left is um, a bag I think.

Daniel: Sidestep to your left, Barry.

Majida: This thing is very, very, nasty. I know, I know, it’s trolls hibernating, he won’t move soon. But still it’s dangerous enough spying on Lord Fear without this thing behind you.

Treguard: Yes, I see what you mean. Still, sorry boys – but it’s as safe here as anywhere. The good thing is about trolls is nothing happens very quickly with them, and if this one does wake, Barry should be able to hear it – even if he’s using the uh, spyglass? Make a noise like rocks cracking, apparently.

Daniel: Right, walk forward then Barry. Is there something in front of you?

Barry: Yeah.

Daniel: What is it?

Barry: Daniel? Just before I go on, could you tell me where the exit is so that I know where to go if I need to leave in a hurry?

Simon: Directly ahead of you.

Derek: More or less ahead of you and a bit to the left.

Barry: Right, Ok. I’m putting the spyglass in front of the Eyeshield now.

Daniel: Ok.

Lord Fear: So, just run this past me again. You claim to have discovered a flaw in Hordriss which will leave him seriously vulnerable. Now, don’t tell me we’re gonna nab his stupid daughter again, that stroke won’t work twice.

Lissard: Ah but lordness, not Sidriss but Marta, the tavern wenchness.

Lord Fear: No just a minute, just a minute…are you telling me SHE’S his daughter too?

Lissard: Nayness. Hordriss is smitten with the wenchness!

Lord Fear: Really? Well, the saucy old sorcerer! Haha! Mind you I can’t say I, er, blame him. She’s a comely piece. Girl after my own heart – if I had one, which I don’t. Anyway, that’s a turnup for the books, isn’t it? Hahaha! So, what’s the plan Lissard?

Lissard: Ah, the plotness. First, we recruit Marta, the tavern wenchness, by subtle strategems and then…

Lord Fear: No, no, no, it’s all too complex. Give it a rest, tuna-breathed fool! No, I’ve got a better idea. Transmogrifa!

There is a green flash as Lord Fear points at Lissard, who has now transformed into Marta!

Lord Fear: There, now that’s a lot better…Lissard?

MartaLissard: (still in Lissard’s voice) Why lordness, that’s brilliant! Such sorceressness!

Lord Fear: Oh dear, no…the voice is all wrong, your breath is still…smells of catfood. No. Ah…erratum correctum! (casts another spell) Lissard…Lissard?

MartaLissard: (now with Marta’s voice) Yes master? Oh…such strangeness, such oddness – Hordriss will be completely deceived, lordness!

Lord Fear: (distracted by Marta’s good looks) Oh, um…yes…Hordriss. Well, forget about Hordriss – um, first things first, what are you doing tonight Lissard?

MartaLissard (shocked): Lordness!

Alarm starts to sound, both of them look round at the camera.

Team tell Barry to put the spyglass down.

Derek: Turn to your left.

Daniel: Sidestep to your left. And again, and again. (troll starts to wake, slowly raising its axe above its head) Right, walk forward.

Simon: Walk forward.

Daniel: Careful…keep going.


Barry: I’m in a dwarf tunnel.

Daniel: Yep.

Barry: There’s a turning going left, which way should I go?

Daniel: Um, keep going forward I think.

Barry: Uh, the passageway turns left.

Daniel: Keep walking.

Barry: There’s something behind me – no, nothing behind me. Oh, there’s some items on a barrel. Right, there’s a scroll and some other things, I’ll look at the scroll first. Ok the scroll says “Sometimes one has to put one’s foot down”. Ok, write this down ok? On the table there is a jar of humus, ok – humbugs sorry, not humus – beg your pardon, there is a boot which I presume I’ll have to take, a “Fireproof” bottle it says, just Fireproof – probably a potion – and a bar of gold. I can only take two things. We don’t need the humbugs ‘cause they would be for the dragon I think, but we’ve used the drag…we’ve gone on Smirkenorff.

Daniel: Take the boot. I think though…do you think that would be right? (the team decide to take the potion too) Yeah, I think we should take those.

Barry: Those two.

Daniel: Ok?

Barry: Ok I’m walking forward now.

As Barry turns left at the corner, what sounds like an army can be heard marching along the tunnel behind him.

Daniel: Keep going.

Barry: Oh, there’s a door ahead of me.

Daniel: Ok, keep going.


Simon: Ok Barry, erm, you’re in what appears to be some sort of school. Somebody, a lady’s pointing at a blackboard and various people are watching and possibly repeating.

Daniel: Ok, walk forward.

Sidriss: Um, er, you see…(spotting Barry)…oh! No! Here’s another one! And there’s just no way I can cope!

Fidjit: ‘Ey, but ‘appen if you tried…

Sidriss: No, it’s hopeless! I don’t teach magic to students and apprentices when I’m only a first level lore mistress! You’ll just have to take a seat and erm, wait with the others. (Barry goes and sits down on a stool next to Fidjit) Father won’t listen! He’s just besotted with that girl! And it’s too absolutely awful! (hits her hand with her wand as she says this) Ow! Erm, who are you then?

Barry: My name is Barry and I’m a dungeoneer.

Sidriss: Oh and eh, how can you help?

Barry: Um, I can help you in any way you like.

Daniel: Say you’d like to learn some magic, Barry.

Barry: I’d like to learn some magic please.

Sidriss: Oh, well, er…

Derek: Um, Barry? You could tell her that erm, Hordriss is in love with a kind of lizard person who’s not really real. That would please her quite a lot.

Simon: Don’t think that’s quite the way I’d put it!

Barry: I might be able to help your father, I think Lord Fear is setting a trap for him.

Sidriss: Oh? Well, how?

Barry: Well, he has a sort of henchman, the lizardman sort of thing, and he’s been sort of changed into the likeness of the barmaid that Hordriss is eh, enchanted with.

Sidriss: Ooh! No wonder Father’s starting saying that Lord Fear can’t be all bad! That the Opposition is the only force that know’s what it’s doing!



Treguard: Greetings, adventure seekers. The path opens in a few moments but first let's learn what company we keep. In the second level, our dungeoneer of the shield is Barry Thorne. Two friends and a brother from Worcestershire are his guides. They have a Fireproof potion and a mysterious old boot. Their task in this level - to prevent Lissard from masquerading as the maid Marta and cruelly deceiving the besotted wizard Hordriss. Now look, time turns, the path is open and the greater game returns.

Barry: I might be able to help your father, I think Lord Fear is setting a trap for him.

Sidriss: Oh? Well, how?

Barry: Well, he has a sort of henchman, the lizardman sort of thing, and he's been sort of changed into the likeness of the barmaid that Hordriss is eh, enchanted with.

Sidriss: Ooh! No wonder Father's starting saying that Lord Fear can't be all bad! That the Opposition is the only force that know's what it's doing! Ooh!

Fidjit: Aye, no wonder! 'Ey, what we need is a Reveal spell yeah, or summat similar! Hey, what about if we try this one 'ere (looks at something in a book but Sidriss snaps the book shut on his fingers)...

Sidriss: Don't ask! Just don't ask! This is 4th level stuff! I wouldn't know how to begin to create it, and if I did, I'd probably get it wrong and make matters worse!

Fidjit: Aye, aye! Well we'll just have to make do with t' ready-made variety then. Now, only one who's got gumption for that on this level is the witch queen. Aye, she'll want witch amber. Now the only witch amber I know of in the Firebomb Room! I got the key miss, I 'aven't gone in - but I'm not going in, no way! No, sorry.

Daniel: Say you'll go in.

Barry: Maybe if I took the key I could go, get the witch amber, give it to the witch queen...and things would go on from there, really.

Fidjit: This key belongs to me, sorry. It's mine.

Barry: Well, possibly we could make a deal for it?

Fidjit: No, no. I can open the door, though (to Sidriss) - what do you think?

Barry: Maybe if you come with me.

Fidjit: The Firebomb Room, shall I show him miss?

Sidriss: Show him but...(under her breath) don't go in...

Fidjit: D'you want to go then?

Barry: I'd love to, very much.

Fidjit: Are you sure?

Barry: Absolutely sure.

Fidjit: Right, well stand up and follow me.

Derek: Potion at the ready, Barry.

Sidriss: Thank you.

Barry: Thank you.

Fidjit: Right, now stand there, don't move. (unlocks door - well, portal with a keyhole in the middle of it - which opens with a creak) There you go.

Daniel: Ok Barry, sidestep to your left. Walk forward.

Fidjit: And keep to the right!


Daniel: Ok, stop.

Simon: You're standing in another one of these rooms with the blocks moving across the floor, if you remember from before. Uh, along on the second walkway there is, I think it's a scroll. (Team note fireballs) On each walkway are fireballs blowing across.

Barry: I'm going to take the potion now.

Derek: If you want to.

Barry: I'm taking the potion.

There is now a view of the room ahead (you can see Barry at the side) from the Helmet's seemingly open visor.

Majida: Ok, so maybe firebombs can't hurt them now, but Barry can still fall through these holes in the floor.

Treguard: Yes, she's right boys, this is a tricky obstacle with or without the magic potion.

Daniel: Ok Barry, walk forward slowly. Keep going. Right, stop. When I say, I want you to half-pace fast forward and then stop when I say. Ok, go. Stop. Bit more, bit more, bit more. Stop, bit more. Shuffle forward, stop. Right, sidestep to your left.

Barry: I can see it.

Daniel: Right, pick it up. What is it?

Barry: There's something inside...(removes something from the box or whatever it is)

Daniel: Oh good, good.

Barry holds up something that looks like a necklace...and once again, troll footsteps are heard.

Barry: I'll put the potion down.

Daniel: Right ok, get ready to that half-pace again.

Barry: Hang on, wait a minute.

Daniel: Stay where you are.

Barry: Right.

Daniel: Ok go, forward.

Derek: No don't, stop.

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your left. And again, little bit more. Right, forward very quickly - stop! Right, sidestep to your right. And again...and again. Half right.

Barry: That it?

Daniel: Wait, wait...and then do what I said before. Not yet. Go now, walk forward. Right ok, sidestep to your left.

The team are very, very, VERY relieved to finally leave this puzzle!


Daniel: There's something on the floor in front of you.

Barry: Yes, shall I go and get it?

Daniel: Yeah, what is it?

Barry: It's some food - some berries.

Daniel: Ok, put it in your knapsack.

Goblin horn sounds and Raptor runs into the scene, followed by two goblins.

Raptor: Avast! Stand right there! Grippa, Rhark!

Barry: Shall I go forward?

Derek: No.

Raptor: I don't need no help from you goblins, not with one small dungeoneer, heh-heh! Aye, you stand fast and in a moment we'll 'ave that 'elmet off...and maybe an ear or too an' all! Hahahahaha!

Daniel: Try putting the boot down, Barry.

Barry: Huh? (puts the boot down hard on the floor)

A giant boot appears on the screen and squashes the goblin on the left!

Derek: Very good, very good. And again, and again.

Boot squashes the other goblin, leaving Raptor the only one to go.

Raptor: What kind of magic be this?

Daniel: And again.

Barry puts the boot down again (stamping it three times in a row) and it comes down on Raptor...

Raptor: Dragons take ye, dungeoneer...aargh!

Barry: I think I should go!

Treguard: Ooh messy, now that really is putting one's foot down!

Daniel: You've done well. Ok, sidestep to your right.

Simon: Better tell you Barry, they're all gone by the way.

Daniel: Right again, and again.

Treguard laughs.

Derek: In case you didn't know!

Daniel: Right, walk forward. Sidestep to your right again. And a bit more. Right we're looking through the Eyeshield.

Eyeshield POV: Going through a corridor in a posh looking house.

Barry: Where am I going now?

Simon: You're walking down some sort of corridor, we can't see very well.


Barry: Where am I?

Simon: Ah, you're in a rather posh stately home, in front of you is a large archway with suits of armour either side, through it is somebody sitting on a throne - possibly the witch queen, I'm not sure.

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your left.

Treguard: Be very careful, boys. The witch queen is notoriously difficult to deal with.

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your left. And a bit more...right ok, walk forward. Maybe kneel at this point.

Barry: Are you serious?

The team laugh.

Simon: Well not just yet.


Barry: Greetings, Queen.

Greystagg: Greetings...your Highness!

Barry: Your Highness, I beg your pardon.

Derek: Yes, be very nice.

Greystagg: Thank you. I am Greystagg, Queen of the Grey Sisters.

Barry: Um, I have come to uh, speak with you on a matter which is very important to me.

Greystagg: Make yourself more clear, and tell me what you want exactly and for what purpose.

The team discuss how to describe the problem.

Derek: Yeah, tell her why...

Barry: Uh, Lord Fear plans to deceive Hordriss by um, changing his uh...a barmaid who he's rather enchanted with ah, into his henchman or rather his henchman is turned into one of the barmaids to fool Hordriss. In this way uh, Lord Fear hopes he will gain an advantage over the Opposition and over Hordriss...over the Powers That Be, that is.

Greystagg: Do you expect me to believe this...fairy tale?

Barry: I promise you by eh, by the Powers That Be that it is true.

Greystagg: Oh...I suppose it proves the dictive, but there is no fool like an old fool. Men - (sorry can't make out what this word is) or mage, they're all the same. I suppose it is a better cause than some that've called upon us.

Barry: That's true and...under the circumstances I may be able to help Hordriss if I had a Reveal spell which could change the um, henchman back into his real form.

Greystagg: I see. (she walks down the small flight of stairs in front of her throne) Gift me witch amber...

Barry: If I may have the spell.

Greystagg: I will give you the spell when I am ready!

Barry: Thank you.

Greystagg: It is a Reveal spell. There, it is yours.

Barry: Thank you.

She walks off, haughtily.

Daniel: Right, ok walk forward.

Barry: Do I have the name of the spell?

Derek: You do.

Eyeshield shows that Barry is walking along a short corridor.

Simon: Right, we’re looking through the Eyeshield.


Barry walks over to a scroll which is lying on the floor.

Barry: Where am I?

Simon: You’re in a rather large castle courtyard…uh, chimneys, well, fireplace to your left, and a door.

Derek: Right, read the scroll.

Barry: Uh-oh, it says “SURPRISE!”

Derek: Well, put it down.

There is a gong sound and the Brollachan appears on the wall facing Barry.

Barry: What’s going on?

Simon: A large head has appeared in front of you.

Treguard: Listen, this is the Brollachan, Lord Fear’s creature – whatever you do, don’t lie to it.

Brollachan: Do not run and do not hide. Nothing can save you except knowledge, for I need it more than I need food. Tell me, what is the name of the valley where Level 2 lies?

Team discuss this.

Barry: What shall I say?

Treguard: Well, whatever you say, be convincing.

Brollachan: I am waiting.

Daniel: You’ve just got to be convincing.

Derek: The Valley of Ramstaff.

Barry: The Valley of Ramstaff.

Brollachan: Which is the smallest of the faerie folk?

Team suggest various creatures that could be the answer.

Barry: Um, well let me think. It could be an imp or it could be…

Brollachan: I am waiting…

Derek: A sprite?

Barry: It could be a sprite, I think it’s an…I think it’s an imp.

Derek: Alright then, imp.

Simon: Try imp.

Barry: It is an imp.

Brollachan: Tell me, what is more stupid than an ogre?

Derek: Troll?

Barry: Troll, it’s got to be a troll. It is a troll.

Brollachan: (after staring at Barry in silence for a couple of seconds) Enough!

The gong sounds again and Brollachan disappears back into the wall.

Simon: The face is gone.

Daniel: Right Barry, sidestep to your left. And again, keep going. Right stop. Walk forward. Stop. Just spin round a bit to your left a few degrees…right, walk forward.

Simon: You’re passing through a door now.


Daniel: Walk to the scroll. Pick it up.

Barry: What sort of room am I in?

Simon: Ah, you’re standing in a dungeon chamber, the floor is reminiscent of a chessboard.

Derek: Except it’s six…

Barry: Right, it says on the scroll: “1 Left, 5 Right, 6 Left, 1 Left, 4 Right”. You got that?

Daniel: Yeah, got that.

Barry: Oh good.

Majida: Oh thees is the Death of Spikes. We have lost many teams in thees.

The spikes shoot up from the floor on all the squares, and then the first row goes down again.

Treguard: Yes, there is a safe path…get Barry started on it and keep him on it.

Daniel: Right, Barry…

Majida: But he first must move forward one right and then find a safe square.

Daniel: Right Barry, two sidesteps to your left. Walk forward…right, stop. No, inch forward a bit more…shuffle forward, shuffle forward. Right, walk forward quickly. Keep going, keep go…stop! Right, sidestep to your left…and again, and again, right stop. Right, walk forward. Keep going, keep going, stop! Right, very fast sidestep to your right. Very fast.

Barry: Now?

Daniel: Now.

Derek: Yes, go on!

Goblin horn sounds.

Daniel: Right, quickly – shuffle forward, shuffle forward, stop. Right, sidestep to your left. 1…keep going, 2, 3, 4, 5…(Barry stops) Keep going, keep going, keep going!

Derek: Keep going!

Daniel: Stop! Back a bit, back a bit, back to your right a bit. Right quick, shuffle forward, stop. Right, sidestep to your left. Bit more, bit more. Stop, wait there.

Grippa and Rhark appear and start going over the puzzle, pursuing Barry yet again…

Daniel: Right, shuffle forward. Stop. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Stop…stop. Sidestep to your right, keep going, keep going, 1…2…3…4…stop, stop! Back a bit, stop. Right, shuffle forward, keep going, keep going. Sidestep to your left.


Hordriss is sat at a table, being attended to by what appears to be Marta…

Daniel: Right, sidestep to your left.

Barry: Are you sure?

Daniel: Yes. Bit more, ok stop.

Simon: Right, you’re standing in a tavern. In front of you is a table with Hordriss on it and to his…to your left is the…serving wench.

Hordriss: Ah my dear young lady, please let someone else serve that…traveller. One commands…nay, one begs for your complete attention.

MartaLissard (for it is s/he): You flatter me, your mageness! I mean your magnificentness! You know I can’t go spending all my time with you or else I lose my jobness! I mean my position.

Hordriss: Oh, one employment so unsuited to your talents of beauty, that it pains one to see you languishing in such a setting.

Daniel: Barry, walk forward.

Derek: Ah, that’s definitely Lissard.

Barry: It’s defintately Lissard.

Derek: Yes, I would say so. I think the spell would be nicely timed right now.

Barry: Ah, I think I should talk to Hordriss first.

Derek: Ok then, walk up to the table.

Barry: Hordriss?

Hordriss: Go away, I’m busy! Can’t you see I’m busy?

Barry: I beg your attention for a moment. Um, you are in, uh, danger from the Opposition. If we could just, ah, the person you’re talking to is not who you think she is.

MartaLissard scoffs at this.

Hordriss: Oh really?

MartaLissard: Don’t ‘e talk a lot, no wonder they stuck a bucket on ‘is ‘ead!

Barry: Cast the spell please, Derek.

Derek: Ok then. Spellcasting: R-E-V-E-A-L

There is a bolt of blue lightning and what appears to be Marta is turned back into Lissard’s true form.

Lissard: Your mageness, do go on! Pardonness?

Derek: Lissard is now standing there, Barry.

Lissard realises he’s been revealed.

Lissard: Ah, I see. Well, I really must be goingness. Master…

Hordriss: Dragonsbreath! One has been the victim of a cruel deceit! This is apalling! If word of this should reach the guild, then one’s reputation as a savant…!

Barry: I promise I won’t say a word.

Hordriss: Ah, young traveller, erm, may one prevail upon you to um, forget this little affair and use discretion?

Barry: Well, yes and uh, it never happened as far as I’m concerned.

Hordriss: You pledge secrecy?

Barry: Perhaps a little favour in return might seal my memory.

Hordriss: Will you promise to not mention this affair and I may help you.

Barry: My lips are sealed forever.

Hordriss: Excellent. Then ah, how may one be of service?

Barry: I’m looking for a way into Level 3, actually.

Hordriss: Ah! Then that does not present a problem. Just follow me if you would.

Derek: Ok, follow him Barry.

Hordriss leads Barry over to a short flight of steps leading up to a portal.

Daniel: Walk forward then Barry.

Barry: Where am I going?

Daniel: Just keep going up the steps. You’re through the door.

Barry and Hordriss materialise in a large, green-carpeted room.

Hordriss: Some things, such as the more recent past, are best kept secret. But here, I will reveal to you, one secret. Descendatum! (a square pit with steps going down into it appears) There. Step down into the bowels of this level and you step into Level 3.

Barry: Thank you very much. Cheers.


A blue forcefield is flashing across the screen in front of Barry.

Daniel: Stop…stop!

Simon: You’re standing in an, eh, corridor, in front of you is a portcullis, uh, the screen keeps flashing blue…possibly some kind of forcefield of sorts, and there’s something on your right.

Treguard: This is not only Level 3, but the accursed Citadel of Goth and it’s here in the Black Tower that Lord Fear has set up his home.

Majida: Treguard, what ees this thing that goes across path?

Treguard: Hmm, something must be seriously worrying Lord Fear – because unless I’m mistaken, that is a barrier of anti-magic. Looks as though he’s set it up to keep out rival sorcerers. Now, Barry should be able to pass through, heh, unless he has hidden powers we don’t know of. Let’s hope so.

Daniel: Barry, you haven’t got any magic…we haven’t got any spells, have we?

Barry: No.

Daniel: Right, well…walk forward then.

Simon: Cross your fingers.

Daniel: Keep going, keep going. Fairly quickly. Right, keep going, keep going.

Eyeshield shows that Barry is walking along a corridor in the Tower.

Simon: You’re looking through the Eyeshield now. You’re coming towards a large portal with shields on either side, sort of a bat-like creature on them.


Daniel: Ok Barry, keep walking forwards.

Barry: Right, what sort of place am I in?

Daniel: Stop! Go to the thing. (he means the barrel with the objects on) Right, what’s on the…

Barry: On the scroll it says “Rock and Roll, Hot and Slow”. There are three bottles on the table, one says Fast Backwards, one says Homer, one says Freezer.

Daniel: Right, well, Freezer definitely.

Majida: Oh, this is very obscure!

Barry: “Rock and Roll” I think is Fast Backwards.

Derek: Yeah.

Barry: Ok, and I think the Freezer is “Hot and Slow”, ok?

Daniel: What’s the other one again?

Barry: Hang on…”Hot and Slow”…the other one is Homer. I can’t see any connection with that.

Daniel: Not really, no. Ok right, got everything? Ok, walk forward then.

Barry: Where am I exactly, by the way?

Simon: You’re still in another tunnel, behind you’s a portcullis, in front of you is a portcullis.

Daniel: Right, keep going, keep going, keep going. Ok Barry, walk forward.

Barry: Right.


Daniel: Keep going. Stop at the spyglass.

Barry: I will. Shall I pick the spyglass up?

Simon: Better tell you where you are first. You’re standing on what…some sort of path running left and right, in front of you is a rather green and murky river and a boat, um, can’t see any further than a few feet.

Majida: The Sewers of Goth, uccccch!

Treguard: Yes, one of Lord Fear's defenses and a formidable one.

Derek: Ok, do the spyglass now Barry.

Daniel: Right, pick up the spyglass.

Barry: I’m putting it in front of the Eyeshield now.

Lord Fear and Lissard are staring up at a huge troll with an axe who’s standing near them.

Lord Fear: There you are, Lissard. Go on, admit it – you’re impressed, hah! Well, who wouldn’t be?

Lissard: Say again, lordness – what is it?

Lord Fear: Oh, don’t be facile, you futile reptile! It’s a troll, isn’t it? Actually it’s the king of the trolls, this is Bulstrode! Have you heard the proverb Lissard: “in the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”? (Lissard shakes his head) No…well, in the country of the trolls, the one-eyed huge troll is king and this is him – Bulstrode. He’s got six words, some of them pronouns and he can count up to five!

Lissard: What does your lordness intend with this…great grossness?

Lord Fear: Intend? Intend? I intend to make him Treguard’s houseguest! Hahahahaha! That should show him that the Opposition’s top dog in this dungeon!

Lissard: But he’s too big, lordness, too…hugeness!

Lord Fear: Yes, well, I’m…I’m, yes he is a bit big but I’m working on it! And if I can get him down to a transportable size, then I can…transport him to Knightmare Castle! Yes, I do believe that a full-sized Bulstrode striding about Treguard’s antechamber should certainly finish him off! Haha!

The siren sounds.

Daniel: Ok, put it down now, Barry.

Barry: I’m putting the spyglass down.

Treguard: (in response to Lord Fear’s plan) Well, really!

Barry: I haven’t got the means of attacking a troll at the moment.

Simon: Well, no.

Derek: We need to find some kind of superior help, I suppose.

Barry: Well look, we’d better be quick about it, ‘cause I can’t get back to Knightmare Castle at the moment and if it gets there first I’m in trouble.

Daniel: Yeah, if it does come out we’re…

Majida: Typical reaction from big ugly person. We win last game, so he starts to cheat.

Treguard: Oh, if you call importing a forty foot troll into Knightmare Castle a cheat, yes – he cheats!

Greystagg appears from the right of the screen.

Greystagg: Ah! This is the young person that wanted to do me…favours! This is a fell path you venture upon…(smells the sewer) oh, and it’s pretty disgustingly smelly as well! What do you seek in such a foul place?

Barry: Well uh, I would like transportation further into Level 3 please.

Greystagg: Your ambitions are of no concern to me! The sisterhood that I rule has all but been annihalated by the macinations of Lord Fear! The accursed technosorcerer is a threat to the entire dungeon dimension. He must be stopped!

Barry: I am to stop him, that is part of my quest.

Greystagg: Oh, you agree?

Barry: I do.

Greystagg: Ooooh. Then, we may reach a compact. Hmm…well – you may call me in times of trouble. My calling name is Gwen. Three times you must call to bring me, and I shall call you in the same manner. What is your calling name?

Barry: Barry.

Greystagg: Ah, an agreement then.

Barry: Yes, uh…

Greystagg: Your highness!

Barry: Uh, your highness. Most gracious highness, even.

Greystagg: Thank you! Right, well we shall travel together now. You are blindfolded by helmet, so I shall row.

Daniel: Ok, follow her into the boat Barry.

Derek: Be careful.

Barry: It’s a very nice boat.

Derek: Is it now.

Barry: It is, it’s a lovely boat.

Greystagg: Please do not witter, as you’ll be dismissed.

Barry: I beg your pardon.

Greystagg rows the boat through the sewers.

Barry: Uh, team?

Simon describes the boat ride but I can’t make out what he says at this point (sorry).

Barry: Uh, your highness?

Greystagg: Yes?

Barry: Do you know any way which I may defeat a troll, perhaps?

Greystagg: Please don’t bother me, the stench of this place!

The boat arrives at a small landing with a door.

Greystagg: Ah – there! Now, your path lies that way, mine is there. Now, would you like to disembark.

Daniel: Ok, get out the boat Barry.

Barry: Ok, thanks very much for the ride.

Greystagg: Thank you…uh, remember our compact.

Barry: Oh, I do remember, yes.

Greystagg: Yes…your helmet is quite an impediment. I gift you the spell Visor - it should ease it for you.

Barry: Thank you very much.

Greystagg: Farewell.

Daniel: Ok, walk forward Barry.


Daniel: Oh…stop.

Simon: Right Barry, you’re standing uh, by a wall, on the wall are various cards, well one’s turned over – it’s the Ace of Hearts. You’re standing on a block that’s been pushed out from the wall, it looks like some other blocks can be pushed out from the wall, I’m not sure how.


Provided By: Romana, 2008-01-07 21:18:52
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