Knightmare Lexicon - A Knightmare Encyclopædia

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1. Season 2 Team 4
From: Whitney, Oxfordshire
Quest: Free the Maid - Gretel
Duration: 40 minutes
Result: Completed Quest
Trivia: The 1st team to defeat the Dungeon on Knightmare.

Characters: Folly, Gretel, Igneous of Legend, Lillith, Gumboil, Cedric, Ariadne, Merlin, Olaf, Catacombite, Cavernwights, Gargoyle, Mogdred, Dragon
Clue Objects: Gauntlet, Gold, Bell, Ruby, Crossbow, Candle

Quest Summary
Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, Final Thoughts

The Team
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Mark (Dungeoneer)

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A really good team being the 1st to ever beat the dungeon. On ocassions suffered from the old left & right but ultimately didn't let it faze them. Excellent at responding to situations and executing a plan. Almost always the team instantly realises what they need to do. Only downside is they didn't have much in the way of puzzles to solve as the quest relied mostly upon encounters with characters. Most entertaining Quest so far in Season 2 and worth watching.

Level 1
 [Related Image] Obviously the Wheel of Fate is going to be appearing at the start of every quest this season and no doubt become increasingly boring to watch. The wheel and its leaver aren't malfunctioning just yet and so it stops at the correct place.

Folly is lingering in the chamber experimenting with spinning induced vomit. Yep that's right he's stood in the middle of the room spinning around and around with an arm pointing out.
"Aaaaaaa dungeon spin and leaver break you've gone and got me by mistake *giggle* and what a lucky mistake it was too.", he says with enthusiasm. In actual fact it isn't particularly lucky of them and Treguard is rather grumpy and tells Folly to get on with things. Folly invites them to play "Chase the lady" and produces a load of cards in the room. He tells them which card he would pick pointing towards the card on the ground and then runs off to the toilets because of all the spinning around.
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The task is rather simple, although somewhat unclear about what actually has to be done in order to get out. The team are equally clueless and guide Mark towards the King of Diamonds that is blocking the door on the right. Treguard tells them "that door is locked, take the right steps to open it" So they tell Mark to side step left and he steps onto the card in the middle onto the heart. It makes the Queen of Hearts in the centre disappear and so they can walk on forwards.
 [Related Image] Oh dear Mark has stumbled into the Level 1 Kitchen and has indeed managed to chase the lady, if you can call her that. The room is inhabited by none other than Gretel the maid. And you just know she's going to be completely smacked on crack.
"Are you the knave of hearts?", she asks Mark. His team tell him to say "Yes" and so he does.
"You're the knave of hearts!", she says in fake surprise. Mark is quick thinking and changes his mind saying "No!". Which is a good tactic really because Gretel being the dumb sort is likely to get completely confused and faint or something. Gretel is rather deluded today and says she's the Queen of Hearts but she's more like a dumb tart.
 [Related Image] Gretel continues babbling on about the little world that exists inside her head. She explains how she's worried that Mark might've come to steal something because she's making some toads. "The Queen of Hearts she made some Toads all on a Summers day. The knave of hearts stole those toads and took them all away". Marks advisors instruct him to correct her and she's rather ecstatic to have been corrected. How on earth she mistook toads for tarts is anyone's guess but then she is obviously a crack addict. In return for their help she tells them which door to take for the clue room. The team is concerned though Mark in particular because she was wrong about the tarts she's probably wrong about the doors too. Treguard tells them they can trust her and so foolishly they do.
 [Related Image] For once Gretel was actually right about something and the door did indeed lead on into the clue room. Once again it's the new wall monster Igneous of Legend whom the team have to contend with if they wish to stand any chance of success. Now current trends mean they'll need to pick 1 correct clue room object and also obtain a password for the level or pick 2 correct clue room objects.
"Ah well if you haven't a clue you soon will have, don't touch Mark!", says Treguard knowing full well the tedious wall monster is forthcoming. Apparently the word "living" hardly applies to Igneous. From that it must be assumed that wall monsters are in a state near death perhaps.
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So here's his 3 riddles as is usual:

1. Once I roamed free and ate deer, now I watch bards and eat Christians. What am I?
Answer: A Lion
Answer given: Lion
Result: Truth Accepted

2. All that glitters is not gold but no you the magic science that will make it so.
Answer: Alchemy
Answer given: Alchemy
Result: Truth Accepted

3. Moonlight makes my hair grow longer, moonlight makes my jaw grow stronger. Daylight finds me bare of face a member of the human race.
Answer: Werewolf
Answer given: A Werewolf
Result: Truth Accepted

"3 is the score. Your quest is to free the maid. You have met her before but now she has been taken to a deep place. To proceed you'll need to wake the dead or you'll be dead.", says Igneous
"I command you!", says Mark
"The gold is real, the gauntlet is merely my challenge which you have met well."

So now we know, someone has finally done Gretel in! Thank the lord. Sadly for Mark and Co this means they've got to die or we'll have to put up with Gretel's insidious babble again. But it is now at least known how this level must be completed and that is through 2 correct clue objects. Looking back over the previous quests it's certainly obvious that given that Team 1's quest required 3 key elements to complete the level and the rest so far only 2 that they were given harsh treatment.
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So what's on offer to the team:
A Pie
A Gauntlet
Bar of Gold
A Bell

The clues they've been given clearly indicate that they should take the bell and the gold. If the team had answered 2 correct then they would've had to guess on the other object. The clue about waking the dead relates to how bells were traditionally used at a seance to attract spirits. As for the statement about the gold being real... Well Mark if he's got any sense should've grabbed it and ran from Anglia Television Studios as fast as possible.
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Despite the fact the other door in the kitchen supposedly led to an exploding trap according to Gretel the clue room has led them straight into a bomb room anyway. Treguard suddenly goes all funny saying, "Chamber mined fuse running" in what has to be the funniest high pitched voice he's ever had. It's rather like that of an evil henchman's mad professor side kick. The team does well in guiding Mark out of the room quickly although they waste a little time in trying to get the right hand door rather than going straight ahead. They're extremely relieved to get him through though.

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Well, well, we're certainly being spoilt this time. First Folly, then Gretel and now Lillith all on the same level. Lillith is asleep in her chamber for a change and has left her causeway switched on, the bills she must be running up! It's rather disturbing that Lillith never actually moves from the rock she inhabits. She sleeps there, she does her hair there, she's the troll stopping passing goats. Everything she does is from this one rock, it must smell just a bit in there. Treguard has a rather wicked sense of humour and suggests the team, "... wake her up than try sneaking past without paying any toll.". He and Lillith must really have a big history between them if he's advising teams to disturb her beauty sleep, she needs it too. Matthew wants to try the more direct approach and to shout to wake her up, but Jonathan is a tad more diplomatic and suggests waking her up gently. Daniel just wants to eat his pencil. Mark has his head screwed on and remembers the clue from Igneous about waking the dead and suggests ringing the bell, and so he does.
 [Related Image] Que the biggest piece of over-acting ever seen from Lillith. Despite her not actually being dead she is woken...
"The Bells, The Bells", she says flamboyantly spreading her arms out eagle like shouting upwards. Definitely equity qualified this one.
"... Apologise you interrupter of dreams ... who and what are you?", she says sticking to her usual line of insult of dungeoneers by calling into question their physical appearance. Mark not being the shy type informs her without prompting from his team mates and she seems rather pleased.
"Well... you are an honest Mark and a very fortunate one. For I wish to return to my dream to find out what happens. So I shall allow you to pass through the serpents mouth without any payment. Just this once mind you! Now for badness sake go now quickly.", she says. Unlike usual she's in rather a good mood especially for someone who's been woken from a good dream. Perhaps it involved Treguard and several spikes. Perhaps it's about crumbling the causeway from underneath the feet of really poor teams E.g. Season 2 Team 6. So Mark passes quietly by allowing Lillith to rest in peace.

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The most predictable character this Season is without any doubt Gumboil the 'orrid. Every encounter thus far with him has been the same poor rhetoric.
"Intruder alert! Gumboil the 'orrid guards the way, the password intruder or you perish!", he yells with bravado. In response Mark says "Hearts" as told by his team mate Jonathan although they've never been told that this is a password. Likely Jon's realised the entire level has had a theme revolving around hearts and general playing card related fantasy.
"You what? That is not the password!", Gumboil says. In reaction the team are fast thinking and quickly tell Mark to give him the gold. They've been studying past Knightmare episodes very well indeed!
"Do you want the gold?", Mark announces swiftly.
"Are you trying to bribe ME!", Gumboil retorts.
The team attempt a different angle on the bribery telling Mark to say it's a present. But Gumboil is sticking to the script and simply accepting that even though they're trying to make out it's not a bribe he'll take the gold. On receiving the gold he looks at it lustfully.
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So having dealt with the lunatic that is Gumboil Mark can get on with more pressing matters and take a trip down the wellway. And so we're given a visual treat as Mark climbs in we get a top down view of the well with Mark dropping down into it. Hopefully there'll be something soft for him to land onto at the bottom of it, but that's already been done once.

The team is doing well and Jonathan in particular is a great asset to them clearly taking a firm leadership role. Mark isn't always too hot on his left & right but is coping well and his team are quick to correct him on mistakes. They've responded well to any obstacles that have presented themselves and Mark hasn't been too shy in the contacts they've had. They answered some mediocre riddles perfectly well taking time to thing about the answers they gave. The level structure for once also seems to have been carefully planned and pieced together. First of all it hasn't been unfair in requiring 3 correct riddles to be able to get through to level 2 since guess work on the 2nd clue object would allow the team to still prevail. The level also made use of a running theme involving hearts and Gretel. There were plenty of character encounters which proved to be entertaining and informative starting with a great introduction by Folly with his card game. In fact it's been the best Level 1 so far this Season and it's seems to be a good team playing it too.

Level 2
 [Related Image] Into a very common Level 2 entrance and occupied by none other than Cedric the Mad Monk.
"Halt! You miserable excrement, stand you miserable misbegotten dogsbottom." yells Cedric true to form.
"Oh dear Cedric the Mad Monk seems madder than ever today", Treguard informs the team.
Mark didn't shower though when leaving the hotel this morning and Cedric's keen sense of smell has revealed his crime, hence the insults. It's rare that Cedric would ever insult someone without a good reason. Although more seriously it's still uncertain as to if his madness is a mental illness or anger. And just why exactly does he lend his clothes to Mogdred. But Cedric keeps the insults coming, obviously really taking a greater than average disliking to Mark.
"Let's have a look at you then. Ugh I haven't seen anything as ugly since I had to scrape dung of me sandals.", he says as a matter of fact. Having gone a little off the script he gets back on track.
"You can't be a friend, I haven't got any friends see. Can't understand why, miserable scumming just turn away from me as soon as I start talking.", Cedric informs. Obviously he's mistaken Mark for a guidance counsellor. Picking up the plot Mark's team mate Jonathan swings into action instructing Mark to tell Cedric he'll talk to him. But Cedric wishes to clobber foes that talk so they go along the friendship route. It takes a while but Cedric succumbs to the pressures of forced friendship and is moved to tears with a quiver in his voice. Mark catching on goes down the route of being completely patronising saying "Thank You" for every single step Cedric guides him in and for the food of course. Cedric's insults are always a drain on the old life force. So Cedric accompanies them for the journey and Treguard warns not to rely upon him.
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Mysteriously and as if by magic Gumboil has moved ahead of the team into Level 2 without passing them by to guard the way once again. Pleased to come across Mark again despite the earlier bribery he's under the illusion that it's his Birthday.
"Intruder Alert! Level 2. Gumboil the Handsome guards the way. Halt intruder or you perish", Gumboil shouts with enthusiasm. However there's a bit of head scratching to be done because this is "Gumboil the Handsome" not "Gumboil the 'Orrid". Could it actually be that there is in fact two Gumboil's roaming the dungeon?
Cedric is unfazed by Gumboil's announcement simply laughing and unleashing a volley of further insults.
"If it isn't old boilbots the boozing knight. Been on the old dungeon juice again have you Gumboil?", he says.
"I have no quarrel with you... You Monkish person. Stand aside and let me at this intruder.", Gumboil replies.
But Cedric is quick to point out that Mark is no intruder but in fact his "friend". Cedric is also completely unaware of his own use of insults and general vulgar attitude since his informs Gumboil that he can't stand rudeness. What a hypocrite our old hero Cedric is. So abandoning words Cedric and Gumboil resort to physical violence in front of the impressionable young kiddie's. Unsurprisingly Cedric is the much better fighter having the speed of his staff over the mass weight of Gumboil's sword and knocks Gumboil out with his Staff. He then returns to Mark asking where to go next. The team tell Mark to ask for the right door and so Mark does so even gesturing with his hand just in case Cedric knows not left from right.
 [Related Image] Ariadne the giant queen of spiders makes a very quick entrance causing Cedric to enter into an extreme panic and soil himself.
"I can't stand them things, especially when they're that size! ... You may not be able to go back but I'm off", he says with a tone of panic. But Mark's team is on the case and doesn't really care what Cedric does with himself. They instruct Mark to crouch on down quickly guide him to the letter F which is a part of their Quest after Treguard gives a quick pointer.
"Yes there's something which you must have for your quest here team", he informs. There's simply no need to be so elaborate and length with these hints though. "Grab the F or die!" would've been just as effective. Ariadne creates her webs to the right and then the left just as Mark escapes out of the centre door. The team could've gone through the left but being skilled in dungeon rules, speed and precision they daren't risk it.

Jonathan really is on the ball in a big way identifying the room as a Wizards room, which it is. It is the residence of the one known to all as Merlin and to some as Matt. He provides a detailed description of the chamber and then Matthew takes over and guides Mark to the clue table. Mark steals the apple and places it into his knapsack for energy.
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"HHhheeeellllpppp Burglars! Oh no not again, now where's my burglar spell?", screams Merlin as he comes running into the chamber. Not having installed an alarm and automated gun turret Merlin relies upon the traditional methods for dealing those that go scrumping on his property. Since burglary is proving an issue for Merlin it's surprising he's not taking more drastic action than screaming whilst running towards these young thugs. Marks team take the pacifist approach to dungeoneering and tell Mark to turn around.
"Oh it's not a burglar is it, it's a dungeoneer!", he exclaims. Merlin proceeds with his introduction, of which none of course is really necessary for a man of his past. He's going to issue Mark with a test to see if they've learned anything or been blundering about relying upon luck. Which is good considering so far Level 2 has been a walk in the park with Cedric. The test comes in the form of the beginning of two "sayings" of which the team must attempt to complete:

1. A friend in need ... Is a friend indeed.
2. Today's enemies are ... Tomorrows friends.

The team get both endings correct which isn't surprising considering how well known the phrases are. They are rewarded with a spell called "FREEZER" which is described as a useful bit of trickery that doesn't last long. Merlin then falls asleep in his chair and Treguard tells to team to get a move on, a little too quickly considering they've had all of 1 second to respond.
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The team debates as to if they should break the law further and take objects from the clue table to which Treguard mutters under his breath "Yes". On offer are:

A Ruby
A Candle
A Crossbow

The team is obviously very familiar with regulations regarding the carrying of weapons and opt for the ruby and candle. They leave a snoring Merlin behind them as they depart through the right door.

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Olaf is playing the role of Toll bridge despite being Troll like in nature and brains. Giving a slow response to Marks entry so the team may dish out the obligatory critique of David Rowe's work Olaf begins speaking with his Scandinavian tongue.
"Eye, eye of Odin some loot is this way coming. Be halting strange person. And now for the choosing's. Choose you must please. Loot, Pillage or Kill.", he says rather stupidly. It's at this point the team realise their mistake, they should've taken the crossbow opted for "Kill" and then shot it straight through Olaf's head sparing viewers from ever having to watch this poor excuse for a character ever again. Is it any surprise that the United Kingdom gets poor Eurovision results when this is how European neighbours are represented. Being familiar with paying for passage they offer Olaf the Ruby telling him it's worth a lot of money. But they double check to ensure Olaf will permit them to pass if he hands over the Ruby. Olaf is "very happy to be looting" Mark and tells him to walk on past before he heads off to Ikea to buy a new bridge. The team panic a little as Mark walks across the narrow beam but it represents no challenge to get Mark walking in a straight line.
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"Dire warning a catacombite is on guard here, one touch it fatal.", informs Treguard as Mark enters into the chamber. The catacombite doesn't actually do much apart from jiggle around on the spot growling. A lack of proper perspective means it's hard to actually tell where the R is but it is in fact right towards the back of the chamber rather than floating in mid-air. Daniel wastes no time in donning his wizards hat and spell casts FREEZER without even consulting team mates first. The result is the catacombite stops its little jiggle and Matthew attempts to guide Mark to the R. Initially because of the lack of depth perception he walks straight by it but with precise directions from Matthew along with the odd "be quick" they've soon collected it and on their way.
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"Where am I?", says Mark as is customary on Knightmare. But all the team can see is a black screen. Jonathan thinks something's gone wrong as a look of "what the hell?" is written across his face as he turns to look behind him. Daniel being the comedian replies with "You tell us *hahahahahah*". But Jonathan is still on the ball and realises what they must do. He instructs Mark to hold up the candle and with the sound of a flare the chamber lights up.
"Magic candles need no matches", announces Treguard signalling their right choice. Matthew suddenly goes mentally ill and starts guiding Mark all around the room trying to get Mark to something only he can see. Treguard tells them to stop wasting time, life force and precious air-time so they opt for the well and leave the candle behind at Treguard's request.

Once again Level 2 is proving easier than Level 1. The major challenges this time were answering Merlin's 2 phrases and picking the correct objects. The phrases when compared to many riddles used on Knightmare were very easy to answer and once again any team could realistically have answered correctly. The objects too were obvious since most teams are aware they're not supposed to carry weapons unless told otherwise. The encounter with Cedric required Mark to use a sickly sweet tongue to charm him where most teams are given riddles to answer. So much of the level was down to simple common sense. Jonathan is really shining through as the teams leader though in giving out most of the instructions and performing the correct action without hesitation. Daniel and Matthew aren't bad either although Daniel does seem to be on the rather quiet side. Team is definitely still worthy of reaching Level 3 though and should continue to do well. Level 2 like Level 1 before it was also well thought out with multiple character encounters which with the exception of Olaf proved entertaining and brought more substance to what might've been an otherwise bland part of the quest.

Level 3
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A rather cheery entry into the dark depths of Level 3 awaits Mark. No scary Skeletons leaping up, no Knightmare theme remix. But instead a BBC Micro sound effect as a Sprig of energy appears to restore the life force Matthew wasted at the end of Level 2. But they've got to be quick about it for Treguard has warned that Cavernwights are abound. Yes it's the return of the Ewok's. The team is hurried along and once again telling Mark to "hurry". The rather fast Ewok scares them into taking the left hand portal.

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Just in case you'd become rather happy at another team reaching Level 3 well here's something to dampen your spirit. Yes it's the depressed Gargoyle, only this time it needs cheering up. It mumbles away groaning to it's self about it's ugliness and general appearance. Who'd have thought a piece of stone could be so vain. It informs Mark that he'll be dead soon because he's been looking at him. Mark having learnt the ways of sweet talking the dungeon's denizens begins patronising the gargoyle about how young and good looking it is. He turns Red with glee and starts small talking with Mark suggesting he can stay forever to admire him since Mark's confessed his love of the Gargoyle. Talk about speed dating! Realising the predicament the team instruct Mark to tell the Gargoyle that he'd love to but must go help someone. Yes they're still on the quest to free Gretel! The Gargoyle reveals the exit gives them the spell SUN and so they make a prompt departure just before the Gargoyle overdoses on ecstasy to solve its depressive problems.
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Having avoided the grasps of depression Mark is able to grab an "unguarded" letter E, thus getting the 3rd part of their quest. Lightning strikes and Merlin appears in a grandiose fashion. He stands within the chamber as an apparition towering above poor Mark waving his wand at him. Merlin expresses his surprise that Mark and friends have managed to get so far. Presumably people that smell of dung and look like a dogs bottom aren't considered prime candidates for Level 3.
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"I would've sworn you wouldn't have made it this far, and yet here you are and still breathing.", he says. He gives an explanation of how they must unite the pieces of the quest and find a way out and then hands them a spell for free. As a reward for their progress he gives them a spell for free called SLEEP. He performs a little telepathy informing Mark that he has another spell and may even have a 3rd. He's referring to the fact the quest pieces will undoubtedly be a spell to free Gretel just pray they don't make it. Merlin disappears giving a final warning "It is a short path now, but a dangerous one". Treguard cuts in with his rhyming babble and Mark leaves up the stairs.
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The Cavernwights having grown tired of chasing Mark through Level 3 have decided to take a little knap amongst the trees as Ewoks do. There's another sprig of energy for Mark to collect but he must do so without waking the sleeping lumps of rags. It's about time a challenge presented it's self to Marks ability to travel through the rooms. Mark is guided deftly and makes it to the right hand door, just as the sprig reappears. A handy place really endless supplies of energy, no wonder the Cavernwights sleep here. But the hugely irritating noise the sprig makes when it's collected and reappears really should wake those little wights up.
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If you're thinking "Haven't we been here already?" you'd be right. It's the exact same room that Mark entered Level 3 in. Nothing gets past Jonathan's eyes either as he instantly recognises it.
"You're in a room, the same r...", he says just as he's cut off by Mogdred's face appearing in the corner with a booming voice. Somebody on the production team didn't want the recycling of old rooms to be pointed out.
"Welcome to the 3rd level Mark. Do not waste your puny pigeon magic on me, for I will turn all before your spell is cast. You have done passably well but you are doomed to failure. I Mogdred am the dark power that can help you now. Agree to serve me and you will be a hero. Spur me and you must meet the invincible terror that waits ahead. Well... Will you serve me?", Mogdred booms.
Daniel is thinking that they should be diplomatic and whispers to his team mates,
"Say that we'd really like to but..." clearly not taking Mogdreds threats very seriously and thinking a sweet tongue will still work. Matthew however panics a bit.
"What should we do, what should we do, what do we do?", he says to his spirit guide. The team is struggling to decide and Treguard hurries them along. Mark believes if they say no that they'll be killed, but the team opts to defy Mogdred.
"I could of course crush you, but why bother I enjoy observing fear, I shall enjoy observing yours muwwhhhhhahhaha", Mogdred threatens. And so the team simply leave unscathed.
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Well no invincible terror here people, unless Mogdred believes stained glass windows to be a horrible threat. There's a bit of inconsistency here too one that seems like an editing error. Initially the room is displayed from the teams perspective in the antechamber and shows a beam of light coming through the stained glass window and Mark already down the stairs. It then cuts to the full view of the room where Mark is still at the top of the stairs and the room is dark.
"Curious a fine stained glass window. But wasted here in the dungeon depth where day light can not reach", Treguard hints. This prompts Daniel to once again play the role of team wizard and spell cast SUN. A hyena gives out a laugh and the formerly witnessed beam of light shines through to reveal the correct path Mark must take. The team guide Mark over to the path and then commit a sin for which they shall never be forgiven. Mark standing right on the edge with a chasm to his left is instructed to side step to his left. To the team he would be moving left but for Mark it's his right. They're very lucky! Mark still proving to not be very good on left & right side steps to his right. But the team seem to think this wasn't what they wanted and correct him by shouting "To your LEFT!". Suddenly all is revealed, they want Mark to die and they want Gretel to be lost forever, well done team. Amidst the confusion Mark steps off the ledge with one foot but then quickly back again, they're let off and very lucky! A lot of other teams have been killed for putting one foot off the path. The team gets a grip and guides Mark forwards. Who would've thought such a simple room could contain so much.
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A ha! Here is Mogdred's invincible threat, a dark chamber. No it is in fact a smoking dragon, and Mark is standing on top of him. The dragon is a little unsure of its own identity though and asks Mark if he knows what he is. Mark informs him that he's a crocodile, which upsets our dragon friend. This is not good, he's stood upon a dragon that's on fire and threatening that there's no escape. The dragon is not friendly though, despite having a huge ego about its appearance. A stark contrast to the Gargoyle that thought it was hideous. Mark having trained well in his encounters with Cedric and the Gargoyle says without prompting, "I think you're beautiful!". What a flirt Mark is, someone had better tell Cedric he's been cheating.
Treguard once again provides some assistance, "Use what weapons you have team.". And so Daniel is forced to speak on up again and it must be getting very tiresome on his voice. He casts SLEEP upon the Dragon just before it plans to eat Mark and gradually falls asleep. A huge argument of Big Brother proportions ensues between the team members as Matthew insists they must guide Mark towards them ignoring the 2nd door in the background. Treguard breaks the fight up just before Jonathan smashes a bottle of Treguard's best over his head.
"Use the door team ... life force energy draining", counsels Treguard with his infinite wisdom. Matthew is overridden and Mark is guided out of the door rather than into the chasm.
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Now it's getting exciting, Mark is up for the chop in the way a guillotine! A sense of urgency sets in.
"Come on team life force energy low, you must charge ahead now or all is lost. Remember Merlin's words 'find a way out'.", informs Treguard halting the teams usual description of the room. The way out is of course obvious, it's through the guillotine where the arrow is pointing. But there's the last piece of the quest to get, the letter E finally creating the spell FREE as predicted by Merlin. Things are tense as the life force is slowly trickling away and Mark is abouts to complete the quest.
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Mark stands upon a red arrow amongst some stars and what look like outlines of planets. It appears there's no place to go in what is the strangest looking room of the dungeon so far. Treguard hints on to the team, "Remember Merlin said you may have a further spell, what do you think it must be?". And so for the last time Daniel casts the final spell of the quest FREE. A strange cylinder and sphere arrangement appear and the face of Gretel within it, holy crap Batman they've gone and freed the maid the dungeon is doomed.
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"Fantastic! You've mastered the dungeon. Mark you may remove the helmet. Spell casting HEROES", says Treguard with glee. The team is ecstatic of course mouthing "Yes" shaking fists and Daniel dropping pencils on the floor. They've a right to be happy for they're going down in history as the first team to win on Knightmare and also unleash the horror of Gretel back upon the world. Also they're given a more dignified and deserving send off than the usual DISMISS.

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Mark, Matthew, Daniel, Jonathan you are the first of our young adventurers ever to master the dungeon. Others will no doubt follow but that glory will always be yours. Here is the symbol of squiredom which your success has earned you. But your true reward is of course your achievement here. I salute you, we all salute you.

Final Thoughts

Damn good team and deserved to win. However Level 3 needs a bit of closer analysis. It was in fact all very easy, the whole level consisted of dodging cavernwights and casting spells. At no point was their intellect challenged, not even by Merlin himself and no clue table encountered. The Gargoyle was simply a matter of cheering it up, which any team could've done and Merlin gave a spell for free. When coming across Mogdred nothing happened to them despite being unwilling to pledge allegiance to him. The spells they earned for free turned out to be exactly what was required, the only real obstacle could've come from waking the sleeping wights but again unless some very poor instructions were given out it was near impossible to fail. This is actually making Level 1 seem like the hardest level and then the Quest is getting progressively easier. For what it's worth though the team did well, they always responded correctly and took the right course of action only requiring help from Treguard when disagreement arose amongst them. Matthew's nose bleed was gone by the end so they'd obviously made up with each other after the dragon encounter. Jonathan was the saviour of the team though, Matthew at times offering the wrong advice leading the team astray and Daniel mostly sitting quietly to himself. Without Jonathan the team would likely have failed much sooner. He did give way to the other two later on though in Level 3 allowing Matthew more opportunity to give Mark guidance. Top marks for him in both being a good leader and willingly relinquishing power when other team members show capability. The quest is the most entertaining so far in the season most likely due to the nature of the encounters in the dungeon. However it did have a distinct lack of puzzles, there was only really the cards at the very start and Folly provided the answer. So it was in fact an easy Quest after Level 1 which any team with equal guidance technique and promptness could've completed with ease. Which is in fact most all the teams so far this season. The major pitfalls that may have gotten them are really:

* The Level 1 Wall Monster
* Taking a weapon in Level 2
* Casting a spell in the wrong place in Level 3

So did they get it easy? Definitely. But were they good enough to win? Well they did didn't they! Now will any other teams manage to follow in their footsteps or will the going get tough and the tough packing their bags home.

Next Team: Season 2 Team 5
Previous Team: Season 2 Team 3

Provided By: Forester, 2006-09-14 02:47:18
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2. Season 2 Team 4
From TES issue 19 (January 2003)

Series 2.
Quest: To free Gretel.
Dungeoneer: Mark Wickson.
Advisors: Jonathan, Matthew and Daniel.
Home town: Witney.
Team score: 10 out of 10.

It's about time we had the first winning quest in this feature, so here it is.

Level One:

The first challenge is to solve a card trick set by Folly, where Mark has to unblock a door with a large Queen of Hearts card in front of it.

The Dungeon kitchen follows, where Gretel is trying to cook some toads. Once Mark has suggested that she might fare better trying to cook tarts instead, Gretel directs him through the right-hand door to the clue room. The team ponder over whether Gretel really knows what she is talking about, and consider taking the other door, but Treguard intervenes: ("I think you can trust her, team" - Treguard.)

Igneous awaits Mark in the clue room, where the team score an impressive three out of three. Igneous informs Mark that Gretel has been kidnapped and that his quest is to free her. Mark picks up a bell and a bar of gold from the table.

A bomb room leads on to Lillith's room. The causeway is already formed and Lillith is asleep. Mark has to wake the sorceress by ringing the bell and obtain her permission to cross before leaving the chamber. In the wellway room, Gumboil asks for the password, which Mark is unable to deliver. Gumboil eventually accepts the gold as a bribe and allows Mark to descend to level two.

Level Two:

Cedric is ready for combat at the foot of the well, but Mark manages to make friends with the monk by flattering him. An elated Cedric agrees to accompany Mark on his journey, and in the next chamber he knocks out a hostile Gumboil with his quarterstaff.

Ariadne turns up in the next chamber, and Cedric runs off back to his room. Before the team can direct Mark out of danger from the giant spider, they have to pick up a large letter F from the back wall, which is part of the spell they need to win the game later.

Merlin's chamber follows, where the team manage to pilfer a red gem and a candle. Merlin gives Mark two conundrums to solve. This the team duly do, and the old wizard rewards them with the spell FREEZER. This is used to neutralise a catacombite, which is guarding the team's second spell-letter: R.

Olaf is blocking the way over the bridge, and Mark persuades him to accept the red gem as a toll.

The wellway room is pitch dark when Mark arrives, but the candle sorts this out. After some awkward directing, Mark is taken down the well to level three.

Level Three:

After grabbing a sprig of energy and running from some cavernwights, Mark has to cheer up the depressed gargoyle. He makes a valiant effort at this, and is rewarded with the spell SUN.

In Merlin's chamber, Mark picks up a letter E, before Merlin arrives with some hints as well as the spell SLEEP.

Mark then has to escape more cavernwights to grab another sprig of energy, and Mogdred appears to ask Mark for his pledge of allegiance. The team debate over whether to trust Mogdred, but eventually elect not to agree to serve him, despite Mark's nervousness of the wrath this might incur from Mogdred. As usual, though, Mogdred is only interested in threats: ("I enjoy observing fear; I shall enjoy observing yours!" - Mogdred.)

In the room with the stained glass window (its first appearance) the team have to cast SUN to reveal the correct path.

There follows a dangerously close encounter with the monstrously large and hungry earth dragon, but the SLEEP spell manages to nullify this threat.

Finally Mark reaches the chamber with the guillotine, where he picks up another letter E to complete the spell FREE.

After Mark jumps under the chopping axe the spell is cast, and a giggling image of Gretel appears.

Treguard spellcasts HEROES to transport the first winning team outside the Dungeon, where he celebrates with them the fact that they are the first winners of Knightmare: ("Others will no doubt follow, but that glory will always be yours" - Treguard.) It was a monumental moment in Knightmare, and a pleasing victory.


An excellent performance, but I think it’s fair to say that the members of the team themselves would be fairly unremarkable if they were not the first ever winners.

Provided By: Eyeshield, 2007-01-21 21:00:09
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