From TES issue 23 (September 2003)

Series 1/2/3. Level 1.
WALL MONSTERS

When I first watched Knightmare in 1987 I was absolutely terrified of wall monsters. It's a very unnerving idea when you think about it: a face appearing in the wall and threatening to eat you if you don't answer its questions correctly. In the first three series of Knightmare, the wall monsters were the guardians of the level one clue rooms. They asked the team three questions and gave out whatever information was earned about the level dependent on the team's score.

One correct answer would earn passage through the level and, in series 2 and 3, information on which quest object they were looking for. Two correct answers would earn some information about the correct objects to take, and usually the first step to Merlin's throne in series 3. With three correct answers, the team should be armed with a quest, clues for both objects, a step clue in series 3 and, at the very beginning of series 2, the password for level one. Wall monster riddles were sometimes easy and sometimes hard; some required the team to know a specific piece of information while others required logical thinking or mathematical skills.

So, what were wall monsters? As far as I can tell, they were supernatural beings from the Netherworld who were imprisoned within walls to act as guardians. If you want some kind of explanation for how this happened, I suspect that the evil Gruagach imprisoned them when he first took over Knightmare Castle. Now, some of you may have been surprised to see wall monsters in the Creature Feature section because there are five individual characters that make up the wall monster clan. Rest assured that the fact that I am examining them in bulk is purely because of their extreme similarity rather than any dislike of them. I can vividly remember being very excited each and every time a wall monster appeared on Knightmare even though I was afraid of them - they really did epitomise series 1-3 for me in the time between 1989 and 1996 when all I had of those series was a bunch of blurred memories.
In series 1 the two wall monsters were Olgarth [pictured] and Granitas, both appearing in the same room and both played by Guy Standeven. Some people - notably my sister - have queried why they bothered making the first wall monsters two separate characters, as they were pretty much the same one. I guess part of the reason for this was the comedy factor - Olgarth and Granitas both loved to moan about the other one's shortcomings and were sometimes quite amusing about it. In series 2 their characteristics did become more different, with Olgarth mellowing out and Granitas becoming even more sensitive about his name: "My name is not amusing, nothing about me is amusing!" - Granitas. For all that, I used to only remember Granitas and forgot about Olgarth until Paul McIntosh set me straight in March 1996, as can be seen in my letter in The Eye Shield issue 2. In series 1, Olgarth met two dungeoneers and Granitas met four. In series 2 they had three each.
The remaining seven dungeoneers in series 2 were questioned by Igneous, a very bad-tempered red wall monster who had his own separate clue room. Treguard mentioned that his consistent headaches were the cause of his temper - they must have been very painful ones.

Six dungeoneers in series 3 were questioned by Golgarach, played by David Verrey, who had taken over Granitas and Olgarth's room. I was really disappointed not to see my old friend Granitas at the start of series 3 and may even have cried about it, so I've always felt a bit resentful of Golgarach. Nevertheless, I credit him with the most memorable and succinct quote about how wall monsters work:
"Three times I will demand truth. Three times may you answer. Fail three times and I feed on you!" - Golgarach.

The other six series 3 dungeoneers met Brangwen, the only female wall monster, played by Natasha Pope. She lived in the wall that was previously Igneous's, and always made it very clear when she thought that the game team were a bunch of idiots, of which Brangwen had more than her fair share.

After that there were no more wall monsters - that's right, no more whatsoever! Oakley and the door monsters did their best in series 4, but they were not quite the same. The wall monsters are absolute classic creatures and I will always remember them fondly.

Fear Factor: 8 Even with hindsight.
Killer Instinct: 2 Everyone got at least one right, which is a shame in a way.
Gore Factor: 4 Some of the superimposition on the walls was a bit dodgy.
Humanity: 3 The face was human, and was there any more to the monsters?

login to vote

Knightmare's wall monsters have been a source of usernames among members of the Knightmare.com Discussion Forum. Brangwen, Golgarach and the Brollachan have inspired four usernames between them, but one of their predecessors from Series 1-2 is also behind multiple usernames:

GranitArse2003: Joined in February of the year with this display name. By contrast, his username was Malefact_, and most of his posts (15 of them survive) were, it appears, geared towards winding up the genuine Malefact.

Granitas Is Cute: Registered in September 2005, real name Ross Thompson. In addition to over 59 forum posts, Ross is also responsible for the Knightmare Episode Guide, billed as a 'guide to every episode of Knightmare', but abandoned with just two episodes covered. He has also worked on Knightmare episode commentaries and the Knightmare Audio Series.

Wall monster inspiration has continued into the 2010s with Olgarthoflegend99, who joined the forum in May 2010.

[Earlier versions: 2010-05-30 19:55:12, 2007-08-17 17:18:26]

login to vote

A creature in Knightmare that appeared in a Clue room. They would ask three questions, the dungeoneer would have to get at least one right to pass, two right to gain a small amount of information and if they got all three they could say "I command you" for the Wall Monster to give them a lot of information. Wall monsters include; Brangwen, Golgarach, Granitas, Olgarth of Legend, Igneous of Legend and in the later series The Brollachan. Also in the later series were Blockers, which were similar to a Wall Monster except they only asked for a password.

login to vote