Knightmare Lexicon - A Knightmare Encyclopædia

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1. Season 2 Team 2
From: Ludlow, Shropshire
Quest: Shield
Duration: 17 minutes
Progress: Level 2, 3rd Room
Died: Cavern Wraith in Clue Room
Trivia: The very 1st team only consisting of female members on Knightmare. Also 1st team to encounter Igneous and also the new Troll for Season 2.

Characters: Igneous of Legend, Lillith, Troll, Gumboil, Cedric, Cavern Wraith
Clue Objects: Key, Pearl Necklace, Tankard
Spells: LITTLE

Quest Summary
Level 1, Level 2, Final Thoughts

The Team
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Claire (Dungeoneer)

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Initially this team appears to be very poor in navigating Claire around the dungeon being both slow and incapable of giving accurate directions. They only improve once they reach Level 2. They fair well on the riddles provided by the wall monster encounter though, although the riddles are of relative ease. There seems to be some underhand play on the side of the production team in the form of letting them off and making things easy which is revealed after the wall monster encounter. The quest is interesting to see how a female only teams manages compared to the usual male only & mixed gender teams. Also there's the few firsts in the forms of Igneous of Legend and the new Troll. Asides from this all a rather forgettable affair.

Level 1
 [Related Image] Knowing full well that they're expected to put on a good show and prove that there's a reason they beat many young male & mixed teams to get on the show the team embark with their first piece of wisdom. "Go... Go to your left." the exact opposite of the direction they need to provide Claire with in order to get her to the leaver. Things do not bode well for this team if simple left & right's are proving too much of a challenge. Perhaps the image they were seeing was a mirror image to everyone else.
 [Related Image] Regardless of this lack of directional skill Treguard interrupts them with his usual obligatory rubbish about fortune slipping away as the wheel turns. The team now having had chance to look at the newly stamped 'L' & 'R' on their hands guide Claire to the lever. Although they've yet to gain the skill of side-stepping. With precious seconds to spare (for reasons unknown) Claire gives the lever a huge push forward thus selecting her destination on the Wheel of Fate.
 [Related Image] "You're in a place that has 4 corridors leading off...". Excuse me for being so arrogant but how on earth does she know that all 4 of those portals leads to a corridor. Has she been handed a guide to the dungeon by the previous team? Perhaps she went for a wander around or sneaked into the production teams offices. Treguard tells them any decision is better than indecision, probably because they'll die for hanging around. The team opts for the portal with the symbol of a chess knight piece in it. However it doesn't lead onto the much loved Combat Chess.
 [Related Image] The simple task in this room is to walk straight forward. Beams zap away the floor rather quickly to the left and right. Being instructed to hurry the team performs a zig zag pattern to the door very nearly managing to fall in the process. Sadly this room is too kind to those lacking directional talents.
 [Related Image] Time to fall asleep for it's another clue room you might think. But wait it's an all ew clue room for Season 2 occupied by one Igneous of Legend who spouts the usual wall monster mantra.
"Intruder beware! I am Igneous of Legend. I seek truth or feed on you.", he says.
Treguard informs us that asides from looking like a fat mans belly painted and then made to jiggle, that Igneous does in fact have a headache making him rather bad tempered. It's unknown which University Treguard attended to obtain a doctorate in Wall Monster physiology. Igneous is rather more pleasant to look at with his foam sponge like appearances. He's also easier to understand. And so on with the over easy riddles...

1. The tortoise was slow old and wrinkled of face, but he turned out the winner. Who did he race?
Answer: The Hare
Answer given: Hare!
Result: Truth Accepted

2. A tree died for it, ink dried on it, it can be read then rolled.
Answer: Paper
Answer given: Paper
Result: Truth Accepted

3. Before the coming of the cross there was another god of light but they never worshipped him at night. Name him.
Answer: The Sun God
Answer given: Sun God
Result: Truth Accepted

"3 is the score your quest is for the shield, but it will not defend you. The cup has a bitter taste."
But they got a perfect score, which is of no surprise given the relative ease of the riddles asked and nothing less was expected. Treguard didn't even have to help out, no doubt they would've ignored him like a dirty old man if he had. It's also likely that for riddle 3 any answer along the right lines E.g. "Ra" , The God of the Sun, would have been acceptable.
"I command you"
"Oh very well, the password for this level is fellspar. Rock I was and Rock I become. waah waah wah.". It's unknown why the wall monsters make that stupid noise when leaving, just accept that they do.
 [Related Image] So what's on offer:
Apple Tart
Pearl Necklace

They take the pearl necklace and the cup. But the clue clearly told them that the cup was not the object they should take and therefore the key and necklace were important. In fact Treguard tells them to think about what the wall monster said, but no they still insist on the cup. So Treguard tries further "but it has a bitter taste" but this team are no fools, they don't listen to old men with beards when they've got many nights of illegal drinking experience behind them... No liquor is too strong or bitter for their tastes.
 [Related Image] At this point a break is required from the usual running of the quest to make an important observation to the watchers. You may not be aware of this but Treguard hasn't once sat down since this team arrived in the chamber. Instead he's been hovering around them like a vulture awaiting death. Perhaps he's fascinated by the ongoing events and simply staring into the chest. But then it might be their chests he's more interested in taking a peek down. Enough of this, the quest is on...
 [Related Image] A recoloured chamber with a slight redesign. A monster is lurking in the background and does absolutely nothing except give Treguard a chance to amuse us with his rhyming wit. "... friend or foe I wouldn't know. But I shouldn't wait to find out." But more amusing than this is the dirty phone call that's going on, the creature seems to have a very big problem with it's breathing. As usual simple rooms prove too much for the team who once again perform an elaborate zig zag to get Claire out the room.
 [Related Image] Lillith is back and on top form today "Silence spies, chitter chatter chitter.", a rather confrontational first line.
"... Young person what is your name what are you?". Way to go Lillith that's it question her on what she is, is it woman a man? We just don't know poor Claire your identity is a secret to us, pray do tell us what you are. Lillith also has more than insults up her sleeves, for she's well aware the team can't guide Claire very well and decides to take up the challenge for herself.
"Listen to me and don't take any notice of your spying friends". She's feeling lonely and bored and so will "Magic a causeway so we can get better acquainted". She says pretend magic words and then attempts to convince Claire she's created the causeway and to come over to see her "Come over to me and Lillith will give you such a lovely surprise". Sounds a lot like the lines from the old Stranger Danger adverts that ran throughout the 80's.

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Fortunately for Claire the team aren't lacking in responsiveness and tell her not to step forward.
"Oh you're not as dim as you look are you?", says Lillith
"I was only teasing, Lillith must have her little joke you see". So she really does form the causeway. And says they'll be rewarded if they have something she desires.
"Oh a trinket, a little trinket" says Lillith with great delight. She is most impressed with Claire's offering even if she did take her time in getting to her. For her good deed Lillith rewards her with a little spell but rather cryptically states "And since you've come this little far into the dungeon you should know what that means." oh might have to get the brains working hard to work that one out.
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"Warning team life force energy red", says Treguard as a matter of fact. About time the life force hurried them up a little. But it doesn't work, it's not until the life force is almost expired that they bother to take action. In fact they specifically instruct Claire to go slowly. Obviously not giving in to panic.

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"Hey you! ... little goat" Unlike Lillith the Troll knows exactly what Claire is... A goat! Despite the fact the troll has made no effort to eat Claire and there's an exit directly to her right Treguard states they need to be quick because there's no escape. That confirms he certainly isn't looking at the right chest. But the situation is about to give the teams most miserable looking member a chance for some good old fashioned interaction. SPELL CASTING!
Michelle whom has looked rather miserable and some might even say bored throughout the quest doesn't get any happier when she's given some work to do. Confidently though and without hesitation she spell casts LITTLE which has instantaneous effect upon the troll.
 [Related Image] He begins to scream like a little girl and shrink at an alarming rate, fast enough to bring a smirk to Michelle's face as she thinks to herself "Ha! I showed him the horny devil" as she would if she were to elbow Treguard in the nuts for peering down the teams tops. And although he did sit down whilst Lillith was at work he soon got back on his feet once she was no longer there to put a stop to his antics. The troll continues in his squeals right until Claire departs from the empty place.
 [Related Image] "Intruder Level 1, No-one gets past Gumboil the 'orrid without the password, the password or perish.", shouts Gumboil. They of course know the password because they got 3 riddles right during their encounter with Igneous and promptly state it. Gumboil accepts the password leaving them to go about their bumbling navigational duties. We're not gifted with a close up with Gumboil during this encounter and his banter is very short. Perhaps the makeup department are on strike so a close up would have revealed he was missing a boil or two. Having obviously not watched Season 1 of Knightmare they don't realise the wellway is the way to Level 2 and look for exits in the rocks of all places. Treguard has to indicate to them that the well way is the way to a lower level. And so onwards Claire falls.

This level is actually a little difficult to dissect because there's a key point where the team seemingly do the wrong thing yet still succeed in getting to Level 2. It is of course the clue room in which they wrongly took the cup. As a consequence the cup was never actually required during the quest, also neither was the key which they should have taken. It is clear however the pearls were a good choice despite not having been told specifically to select them. The clue they received informed them which two objects to take by stating which one not to take which is more information than most teams often receive. Another vital piece of information they needed during the quest was the level password which they only obtained because they got 3 riddles correct. Now it would be rather unfair for a team to require 3 correct answers in order to successfully get through the level as this is not the requirement for all the teams that follow them. However, like the team before them who failed for only getting 2 right it appears 3 correct riddles was a requirement. This also leaves the question as to what the key was for, had they chosen it as they should would this quest have been any different? Perhaps Lillith would've given them the password and they'd never encounter the troll. Perhaps they were right in taking the cup though, maybe if they'd only got 2 riddles right it could have been used to knock Gumboil out, as we all know how he likes his drink. It is all pure speculation but noteworthy that the clue and incorrect action upon it proved of no consequence in this teams success through the level.

Level 2
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Into the usual Level 2 entrance area for this Season and guarded by Cedric. On examining the gigantic block of Cheese on the table Cedric leaps into action and scares the life out of Sharon. Cedric being in his usual friendly mood unleashes his favourite insult upon Claire.
"Stand still Dogsbottom", he yells and calls her a thief! He's quick to realise Claire is a dungeoneer and Treguard is quick to describe Cedric to us.
"The rudest and maddest monk", according to Treguard. Cedric dishes out his terms to Claire stating she can play along or be victim to some quarter staff practice. So as one would expect they get down to business in the usual Knightmare fashion.
"I challenge", says Claire
"Challenge accepted... Dogs Bottom!", replies Cedric
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So on with the riddles:

1. In dungeons dark, a darkness coal a silent spinner awaits the bold. She never has to buy her threats. She walks the night on 8 great legs. What is she?
Answer: A Spider
Answer given: Spider
Result: Truth Accepted

2. If the pen is mightier than the sword. Which bird is mightier than the Hawk?
Answer: The Dove
Answer given: An Eagle
Result: Falsehood - "Turtle Brain!"

3. If you were a warrior be, name the skin that saves your skin.
Answer: Armour
Answer given: Leopard
Result: Falsehood

"One's the score so you can help yourself to some grub. You'll need all your strength, because you haven't got any brains... camel head!", exclaims Cedric.

They really should've gotten at least 2 riddles right here, and it's the standard requirement for survival in any level. Riddle 3 was an easy one they just weren't thinking straight. So having not received any help from Cedric we all know they're going to die... Yippee! It's a big surprise considering they managed the simplicity of the Level 1 riddles. Cedric takes delight in laughing as they try to get out of the room.
 [Related Image] "A room with 3 entrances", Claire is informed. Entrances you say? Does that mean she can't go out of them? Oh dear because Ariadne makes a quick appearance causing the first signs of panic the team have yet to have so far... "Oh god!". Deciding to try and avoid Ariadne's legs despite it's obvious she'll never actually touch them they divert Claire left where a web suddenly appears. Claire is almost trapped but sadly not this time. It's a shame because seeing her eating by a giant spider would have been a great piece of entertainment and irony for this quest. Guiding Claire left & right is no longer proving to be an issue anymore so they've probably been practicing during the breaks.
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Before Knightmare nobody had ever been knowingly killed by a ghost before. But Claire is going to be one of the first to meet the other side and be taken along with them. A Cavern Wraith is in the level 2 clue room and there's not much Claire can do except fall down the stairs perhaps. Treguard is very quick to point out the obvious.
"Careful team you reached the clue but a cavern wraith is on guard it's presence is draining your life force. You must use Magic but then you have none, oh dear what a pity. What a shame you didn't collect some magic from Cedric.", he says with bravado. He's not the one in the chamber is he! All of this of course makes Michelle very happy, she thinks Claire is actually dead. The other two however are not so pleased with the defeat for they've let young women across the nation down. Michelle is actually probably happy for the 1st time because she can finally go home and doesn't have to spend any more time hanging around this bunch of geeks. She's got better things planned like school discos and listening to Five Star, no time for dungeons filled with unknown actors.
 [Related Image] Treguard tries to drag out the death as long as possible so he can have one last opportunity to stare at the lovely underage girls before sending them to join Claire beyond the dungeon walls. This does nothing to cheer the other 2 advisors up knowing full well it was all down to a single simple riddle they couldn't get right. Perhaps Michelle will share her Sony Walkman with them on the train journey home.

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Your quest is run but we still have deeds to do before time turns

Final Thoughts

Level 1 seemed rather short and only had one decent character encounter, that being with Lillith. There was no Folly, Gretel, Olaf or even Mildread. The encounter with Gumboil was all quickly over too. It all made Level 1 pretty tedious really lacking in entertainment, no bomb rooms, few character encounters, and no puzzles. A very stark contrast to the previous quest. In the end the reason they lost was down to insufficiently answering Cedric's riddles thus only delaying death until the 3rd room in Level 2. It's no surprise really that Michelle looked so bored throughout the entire quest. Really though for not paying attention to the wall monster clue and also ignoring Treguard they should have died much earlier in Level 1 but it seems they were let off for this indiscretion. The teams ability to navigate was also shockingly bad at the start of the quest and took a long time to improve. Unlike the previous team they had an easy journey to contend with.

Next Team: Season 2 Team 3
Previous Team: Season 2 Team 1

Provided By: Forester, 2006-09-23 14:12:06
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2. Season 2 Team 2
From TES issue 43 (January 2007)

Series 2
Quest: The Shield.
Dungeoneer: Claire Tisdale.
Advisors: Kerry, Michelle and Cheryl.
Home town: Ludlow, Shropshire.
Team score: 3 out of 10.

This was the first all-girl team ever to appear on Knightmare. If the standard of the performance they put in is anything to go by, it's small wonder that it took seven years to find a female champion! (No offence, girls!)

Level One: After pulling the lever at the Wheel of Fate, the team is faced with a choice of four doors. The symbols on offer are a skull, an eye, a fire exit and a knight chessman. As this is not exactly a difficult challenge, Claire is guided through the knight's door. In the clue room, Igneous is on guard. With all three of the wall monster's questions answered correctly, Claire earns the password for level one (feldspar) and an elimination clue for the objects. Treguard's help is still required, however, to guide Claire into taking a string of pearls and a key from the table, leaving behind a metal cup, which apparently has a bitter taste to it. A brush with the Lion's Head and the Lasers sees Claire demonstrating her complete inability to walk in a straight line, and the challenge consequently takes unnecessarily long. A quick stroll past a green monster that is breathing heavily leads to Lillith's domain. Lillith tries to trick Claire into walking over the edge of the pit, but the advisors are having none of it. Lillith eventually creates a bridge and allows Claire to cross, accepting the pearls as payment. She rewards the team with the spell LITTLE. "For this LITTLE trinket, I will provide you with a LITTLE spell, and since you are intelligent enough to have come this LITTLE far into the Dungeon, you should know what that means!" - Lillith. On a rocky ledge, Claire picks up an apple to restore her life force. She then goes on to meet the Troll, who announces his intentions to eat her. With heavy prompting from Treguard, the team cast LITTLE, shrinking the Troll so that he disappears out of sight. The wellway room follows, where Gumboil is on guard. Claire is able to give him the password, so she is allowed to descend to the second level.

Level Two: The team's fate is sealed in the first chamber. Cedric (named here for the first time) is on guard, and poses his usual three riddles. With only one answered correctly, Claire is allowed to proceed, but without any help from the mad monk. There follows a quick escape from Ariadne, in the spider's first of many memorable appearances, and then Claire arrives in the clue room. Several objects are waiting on the table, including Casper by the look of things, but a cavern wraith is on guard. Without Cedric's magic to defeat the ghostly creature, Claire is doomed. The cavern wraith drifts towards her and drains her life force, bringing an all-too timely end to the quest.

Summary: An absolutely hopeless team who had no chance of winning - not much up top, very boring to watch, and the dungeoneer couldn't even walk in a straight line!

[Previous team: Team 1 of Series 2
Next team: Team 3 of Series 2]

Provided By: Eyeshield, 2007-03-05 21:02:08
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